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Salem witches plan to give Tom Brady a spiritual lift for Tebow rematch

Doug Farrar
Shutdown Corner

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"By the power within, and the power without..." (Getty Images)

God may be Tim Tebow's co-pilot, but it seems that Tom Brady, the quarterback Tebow's going up against this Saturday in the divisional round of the playoffs, has some otherworldly support from an unexpected source. A group of witches (Wicca? We want to be politically correct around here) in Salem, Massachusetts (yes, that Salem, Massachusetts), planned to gather on Friday the 13th (spooky!) to try and beat the Sports Illustrated cover curse for the New England Patriots quarterback, and give him the most supernatural force possible when going up against Tebow's Denver Broncos.

We're pretty sure we're not making this up.

Sorceress Laurie "Lorelei" Stathopoulos said that her coven wasn't quite as successful when planning a recent spiritual intervention for Charlie Sheen (for which Mr. Sheen was not actually present), but there are better hopes this time.

"You know, we had a hard time getting all the girls [fellow witches] to come," Lorelei told the Boston Herald of the Sheen attempt. "But when we told them this Circle was for Tom Brady, oh, everybody will be there!"

Ah — so attendance is key. According to the  Herald, this is how it goes:

At the 10-minute ceremony at Crow Haven Corner, the city's first witch shop, there will be an altar set up with a Brady puppet — sewn for the occasion by another local sorceress — and mojo bags filled with herbs and stones for every Patriots player.

Lorelei said she will use the Tebow gesture and chant the following: "Tom Brady will see what he needs to see, be where he needs to be and will take the Patriots to another victory."

The nice part is that the coven will not actually be trying to put any sort of bad juju on Tebow himself — these Magical Mystery Tourists are staying positive with this action and just helping out their main man. But to actually Tebow while doing so? Isn't that playing both ends against the middle?

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"Okay ... so what do we do about Josh McDaniels?" (Getty Images)

"We want the true champion to come out on Saturday night," fellow broom-rider Lori Bruno told the Herald. "But since we live in Patriot Land, it's red, white and blue and make the dream come true!"

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who may want to talk to these folks about a consultancy (he is an outside-the-box strategic thinker, after all) could not have said it better himself.

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