Dr. Saturday - NCAAF

Here's longtime Coastal Carolina head coach and reigning Big South Conference Coach of the Year David Bennett earlier this week, speaking in the form of a parable to communicate to reporters the mindset of the Chanticleers ahead of Saturday's showdown with Bennett's former team, Division II Catawba College. What that mindset is, I have no idea.

The complete transcript is as follows:

Tryin' to get our two boys ready to carry 'em to the golf tournament before practice, right? Twelve cats live across the road. Our door's open. Screen's broke — we need to get a new screen door — but the screen's broke, so you can come in through the screen but you can't get back out of it. I turn and look. There's a little kitty cat in our—in our kitchen.

So I said, "What're you doin' in here, little kitty cat?" By that time, [growl], the cat turns, tries to get back out, but the screen won't go that way. Cat starts goin' "MEEOOOOW!" All crazy! And I told our players: We need more dogs. Bo's barkin' in the back, I have to go shut Bo up, Mel's like, "What's goin' on?!" I say, "There's a cat in the house." "Cat in the house?!" I said, "Yeah, there's a cat in the house!"

So I told our players, I tried to let it out the front door—"MEEEOOOW!"—the cat's still goin' crazy in there. And I told our players: You need to be more like a dog! We don't need a bunch of cats in here—meow!—lookin' in the mirror. "I look gooood, I got my extra bands on, I got my other shoes." Be a dog! We don't need no meows, we don't need no cats. We need more dawgs.

I still have no idea what that means. But I do know Knute Rockne couldn't have said it better himself.

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Hat tip: Deadspin

Matt Hinton is on Facebook and Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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