Dear Kansas City Royals:
I know the thought is preposterous, I know that you haven't even entertained the idea and I know that I really have no right to ask you such a thing.
But what the hey, I'm going to ask anyway.
OK, so it may be a little late to find a taker in the next 24 or so hours — sarcasm — but all consideration would be greatly appreciated.
Oh, I know that Royals fans know they should value every fifth day as it has become the lone ray of sunshine in their meager existence.
("Happy Greinke Day!" they say to each other on the mornings he starts, right before they read JoePo's latest ode to his brilliance.)
We love him around baseball nation, too, as he's finally given us reason to tune into the franchise that George Brett made famous in the mid-80s. Zack made the cover of Sports Illustrated earlier this year and we've all enjoyed marveling at his command, especially after his great comeback story.
Unfortunately, I don't think we can say the same about Zack's 24 other teammates or his coaching staff in the dugout. With a 7-3 loss to the Orioles on Wednesday, your team is somehow now 10-11 in games that Greinke starts.
Yes, thanks to your collective ineptitude, Greinke didn't win a game in July, has suffered significant damage to his Cy Young candidacy and probably can't even take solace in his MLB leading 2.08 ERA and five complete games.
See? This is why you can't have nice things, Kansas City Royals!
No, he's not putting up the historic numbers that he started the season with, but surely he's doing well enough to help you outkick your rivals near the top of the 2010 draft order.
It's clear to the rest of us that Zack Greinke is the Ferrari and you're the grandma scratching it up on the way to the grocery store. Do us all a favor and send him to a home where he'll be loved and treated in a way equal to his tremendous talent.
Judging by the way you've played when he's taken the mound, you won't miss him much.
The Zack Greinke Fan Club