July 10, 2008
Why is this man smiling? Because in the time it takes you to read this sentence, he's just made $20. And again. And again. A torrential flood of money, pouring straight into the bank account of one Tiger Woods.
A new Forbes report reveals that Woods is on track to become the world's first billionaire athlete by 2011. That, friends, is nothing short of astonishing. We all know about billionaires who've made their money through skyrocketing IPOs or entrepreneurial sellouts -- shoot, I'm one, aren't you? -- but for Woods to make his billion through nothing but paychecks is pretty damn amazing.
[UPDATE: Some reports have Michael Schumacher as the world's first billionaire athlete, as of 2005. No idea why Forbes didn't mention that.]
But a billion is such an abstract number. Let's break that down. Tiger is on pace to make about $100 million this year between endorsements and winnings, even considering the fact that he won't play in another tourney. $100 million a year equals $273,972 a day. $11,415.53 an hour. $190 a minute. He earns three dollars and seventeen cents per second. That means, hypothetically speaking, if Tiger was walking up the fairway in a tournament and saw a $10 bill lying there, he'd make more money by walking right past it.
Does he deserve that money? Hell yes, he does; he makes far more than that for other people and corporations. Is it right that he deserves that money? Well, that's the foundation of a capitalistic society, isn't it? Like it or not. (Yes, teachers and doctors deserve more, but they don't get it.) So, bottom line: If you don't think Tiger deserves to be rich, you're a communist. Plain and simple.
Hey, Tiger? Next time we go out, none of that "I can't find my wallet" nonsense. Not when we know you can buy the restaurant, dude.
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