Tue Jun 09 06:04pm EDT
Oh, Tom Brady(notes). You've got it all: Millions of dollars, a supermodel wife, three Super Bowl rings, a cleft chin, omnipresent stubble, the ability to hit 280 yards off the tee and, to cap it off, the adoration of men, women and goats worldwide. But the one thing you don't have, Tom Brady, is the ability to kayak.
This weekend Brady and wife Gisele Bundchen rented kayaks for a leisurely jaunt on the Charles River. It probably looked a lot like a Monet painting, until Brady flipped over his kayak, fell into the river and had to be rescued by the launch guy at the dock. (If only I knew how to kayak, I could take pride in the fact that I'm better than Tom Brady at something. Alas, I'd probably have fallen out in half the time that Brady did. And the dude wouldn't have bothered to rescue me.)
Witnesses said the incident was more embarrassing than anything, which, having met a few launch guys who work at kayak docks, is probably true. They're great people, of course, but there are pretty strong odds that the guy who rescued Tom Brady had a crazy beard, smelled of patchouli oil and had probably spent the previous weekend seeing Phish at Fenway. In other words, it could have been Matt Light.
Considering that the paparazzi gets pictures of Brady going grocery shopping, it's rather disappointing that nobody got video of the Golden Boy going all 'America's Funniest Home Videos' on the Charles. For our own amusement, we're imagining it looked exactly like this.
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