Chuck Norris writes 1,500-word manifesto in defense of Tim Tebow

Before you laugh at the defense of Tim Tebow, NFL Quarterback, that you are about to read, there are a few things you should remember about its author, the one and only Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

These things, of course, are all true. Now, as to Chuck Norris' defense of Mr. Tebow, which Mr. Norris wrote on a site called (which also counts Ann Coulter and Ted Nugent among its contributors). The martial-arts expert and well-known action hero truly believes that the NFL doesn't know what it's doing when it rejects Tebow as a star quarterback.

"America has the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championships) and the UCP (Ultimate Clutch Players)," Norris writes. "One is mixed martial artists, and the other is quarterbacks of the NFL. They all are athletic warriors who are extremely determined to win.

"My favorite in the UFC is Georges St. Pierre. My favorite UCP in the NFL is Tim Tebow."

Norris goes on and on, quite rhapsodically:

I have been following Tim since he became a quarterback for the Florida Gators, and I have never seen a more determined and inspiring athlete play the game of football. And I’m not alone in that sports assessment.

Norris then goes on to quote Akbar Gbajabiamila, Michael Strahan, and Forbes Magazine in his assertion that " Tebow is a player who rises to the occasion and delivers big in critical game moments."

Norris then insists that the Jacksonville Jaguars are the right home for Tebow.

Why? To put it simply, because Tim could help turn the mediocre team into a championship one. Tebow works miracles on the field, and his inclusion would embolden the spirit of the Jaguars among the team and fans.

Plus – and this has no reflection on the current quarterbacks – Tim is from Florida, where he bears a victor legacy and an extensive fan base, to boot, from his days with the Gators. Tim was raised in the Jacksonville area, where he became a high-school football star. Then his young, stellar career shot into the stratosphere when he led the University of Florida in Gainesville to some record-breaking wins. Tim won two national championships with the Gators and became the first sophomore ever to win the coveted Heisman Trophy.

So, Mr. Shad Khan – the owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars, David Caldwell – their general manager and coach Gus Bradley, I would give the preceding some serious thought. Whatever you would pay Tebow would be recouped tenfold by the increase in attendance and fan base. With Tim as the quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars, they would add thousands (if not tens of thousands) of additional fans to the stadium, including me – even though I don’t live in Florida!

After quoting Dr. Martin Luther King, Norris then blames Tebow's current employment status on the media, and the fear NFL teams have of public scrutiny. He ends his argument with a simple plea: Won't some visionary team take a shot on this American hero?

All that is needed now is an owner, manager and coach of a football team who have the vision and faith to watch Tebow turn around their team. I guarantee that they will see positive results. I have been an athlete all of my life, being a six-time undefeated world middle weight champion in the martial arts, and I know a winner when I see one.

Tim Tebow is a winner – plain and simple!

Well, there are winners, and there are winners. And all kidding aside, while Norris' martial arts qualifications are above reproach, his insistence that Tebow could lap the field as an NFL quarterback reminds me of a scene Norris did with Bruce Lee in one of my favorite kung-fu movies, "Way of the Dragon."

Yes, it's staged, and yes, Bruce Lee is supposed to win because it's his movie. But Lee was faster, had a more expansive technique base, and brought a power to his attack that Norris simply didn't possess -- at least, in the movie. In this case, and since Norris brought himself up as an athletic example, I would compare Norris in this role to Tebow in the NFL -- good enough to stay in the fight, but with enough obvious weaknesses to get his butt kicked (or worse) against a superior opponent.

In this movie, Lee is the equivalent of Tom Brady, or Peyton Manning, or Aaron Rodgers. He's simply the superior athlete in every way, and when it comes right down to it, that's what the NFL wants.

I'd also respectfully ask Mr Norris to take a good look at Cam Newton, Robert Griffin, Colin Kaepernick, and Russell Wilson. Like Tebow, they've all been winners, and they're all mobile quarterbacks. But unlike Tebow, they can all throw the ball consistently at the NFL level without a large number of schematic setups to offset their weaknesses. To put it in terms that Mr. Norris could clearly understand at the root of his athletic soul, those guys are the black belts, and Tim Tebow is not. Not at this level, and there are some things that can't be hidden with all the rhetoric in the world.

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