Edited only slightly for readability and brevity, here are your champion commenters from this week's Cry, Whine and Moan festival.
Number Five, zach M, president of the Andrew Walter Fan Club:
Andrew Walter, OAKLAND RAIDER LEGEND! He will make it to the hall of fame, just give him a chance. He's so versatile. He can fumble, and throw INTs. He can complete five passes, then miss the next five. This kid's got it all! He's a late bloomer and in the second half he's gonna BLOOM!
Number Four, The Russian, rooting for the Lions in a very special way:
Detroit should just give in and go for the perfect season. What else do they have to be remembered for? At least you can cement your place in history as the team who sucked more than anyone else has sucked before!
Number Three, Hickerson, the rare individual who is both a Raiders fan and has not been thrown out of every local mall:
My brother and I have been Raiders fans since birth. We've been subjected to many jeers and insults. My personal favorite: the Faders. Not very clever, but neither is the team's management [...] It's actually a blessing when they aren't on TV. We don't have to make the hard choices like deciding whether to watch the game or go to the mall. You know it's a sad day for Oakland Raiders fans when they'd rather go shopping for a baby shower gift than watch the game.
Number Two, Kevin B, a Chiefs fan who went off the list (I thought they had a little bit to be proud of yesterday):
I know the Chiefs arent on this list, but they should be. This team plays with your emotions more than a 16 year old girl. How many games now have they played like they were gonna win? But never fail .... they WILL find a way to lose! The Jets, then the Bucs, now the Chargers.... all games where we SHOULD have won. After making a decision to go for two rather than take it to overtime with :20 secs left, I'm almost certain Herm Edwards doesn't wanna see his 1-7 team get another win this year.
And Number One, siliconelvis, who sees the good in assisted suicide:
The Raiders need to move to Washington State. It's now legal for the terminally ill [this team certainly is] with six months left to live to simply fade away with some little shred of dignity. Al, you're fond of moving this organization around on us, please... for the love of the rest of us tired of seeing your colostomy bag's contents on the beloved gridiron, just move on up there, and end my pain, and yours.
- Andrew Walter