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How to douse Mark McGwire in six easy steps, by Albert Pujols

Big League Stew

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ST. LOUIS — Whether he's crushing three homers in a World Series game or deflecting questions about his impending free agency, Albert Pujols can seem downright robotic. His reputation as a destroyer of baseballs and bids for interesting quotes is well earned.

[Related: Albert Pujols' crossroads complicate the Cardinals' title]

It was interesting, then, to see Pujols drop his usual persona around the ballpark to being one of the main mischief makers in the St. Louis Cardinals clubhouse following the clinching of the second World Series title in the Pujolsian Era. As the face of the franchise, Pujols took full advantage of his stature to attack with the bubbly and leave his fellow Redbirds drenched without any fear of retribution. He started his night with a strike against catcher Yadier Molina, then set his sights elsewhere.

Let's break down one of his next operations, step by step, shall we? {YSP:MORE}

1. Identify target: The cardinal rule at aiming for teammates in the clubhouse celebration is the more interviewed and more distracted, the better. Fitting that baill was hitting coach Mark McGwire, who met with wave after wave of reporters, each wanting to know where that David Freese learned his stroke from.

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2. Select ammunition: These giant Budweiser bottles? A little heavy.

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The more traditional long necks? Too small and slippery.

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Ah, just right.

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3. The approach: Watch out for collateral damage, Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci! And you, too, recorder-holding hand of Yahoo! Sports columnist Jeff Passan!

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4. The follow-through: Anyone can pour a waterfall of champagne on a teammate's hat, but how many can move in and get it underneath without the teammate batting you away? A very underrated and tricky maneuver.

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5. The reveal: "Turn that frown upside down, Big Mac. It is me, Phat Albert."

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6. The hug: "Now that I have poured a bottle of champagne over your head, our bond has strengthened and will last for all of eternity — or at least until I'm officially declared a free agent. Let us embrace."

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[Y! Sports shop: Buy Cardinals title gear]

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