January 21, 2009
Despite all their World Series titles, Hall of Famers and cathedral-like stadiums, the Yankees have never had an unabashed pinstriper take up residence in the White House. For that matter, neither have the crosstown Mets.
Sure, things might have been different if that Rudy Giuliani or Hillary Clinton (cough) matchup would have ever come to pass, but America's first baseball city still has a goose egg in the First Fan category. To help remedy that situation, Jon Lewin and Lisa Swan of Subway Squawkers have volunteed a few minutes of their Mets-Yankees bickering for an imagination of what might happen if any New York baseball figures ever took the nation's top spot. Their mini-email battle can be found below
To: Squawker Lisa
From: Squawker Jon
Squawker Lisa, new president Barack Obama may be an American League fan, but at least he roots for the White Sox, not the Yankees. I'm glad we won't have a Yankee fan in the White House. The Yankees stand for fiscal irresponsibility with disappointing results and haven't we had enough of that in Washington?
The only thing worse than a Yankee fan in the White House would be an actual Yankee. Granted, most of these players would be disqualified by age and/or nationality. But what if the election ended in a tie and had to be decided by Bud Selig?
Then we might have to endure one of the following:
• If C.C. Sabathia were president, he would have an opt-out clause at
the midterm elections.
• If A.J. Burnett were president, Surgeon General would be elevated to
a Cabinet position.
• If A-Rod were president, he would attempt to catch foreign
dignitaries off guard by shouting "HA!"
• If Mariano Rivera were president, "Hail to the Chief" would be
replaced by "Enter Sandman."
• If Joba Chamberlain were president, instead of a litmus test for the
Supreme Court, he'd have the Joba Rules.
• If Melky Cabrera were president, he'd be demoted to the Senate.
• If John Sterling were president, every state would have its own home-run call.
• If Roger Clemens were president, he would demand a pre-emptive pardon.
* * *
To: Squawker Jon
From: Squawker Lisa
Squawker Jon, mock my Yankees all you want. I'm just glad that the only button anybody in the Mets organization will get to push is the one for the Home Run Apple.
What a nightmare it would be if somebody from your team were elected president:
• J.J. Putz's term would be marred by comedians' snickering over a President Putz in the White House.
• Billy Wagner would tick off the vice-president by leaving a "Know your place, veep" note in the politician's locker.
• Pedro Martinez would knock any elder statesmen to the ground if they objected to Pedro brushing back Chuck Schumer.
• Carlos Delgado would refuse to stand for "Hail to the Chief."'
• Francisco Rodriguez would point to the sky at the end of each
speech, and irritate his political opponents in the process.
• Vice-President Jerry Manuel would take over after President Willie
Randolph was impeached in the middle of the night.
• And Fred Wilpon would change the presidential seal to the logo for
Domino's Pizza ...
Contribute any of your White House possibilities in the space below. To read more of Jon and Lisa's arguments, make sure to visit Subway Squawkers.