A lot of things in the NFL could stand some fixing up; for example, the Pro Bowl or the overtime system. One thing we can’t fix, though, is the offseason, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it more tolerable. Today, I present five steps to do so, none of which have any realistic chance of happening.

Step 4: Mandatory appearances by star players on Celebrity Jeopardy.

I think Jeopardy’s still on the air. I’m not sure. If it is, who wouldn’t like to see Peyton Manning(notes) and Tom Brady(notes) take their rivalry to the Jeopardy board?

Throw Ben Roethlisberger(notes) into the mix, and you’ve got a fantastic AFC quarterback showdown. There’s no way I’d miss it; especially the part where Roethlisberger’s total is at negative $22,000, and Brady looks over at him and yells, “DERRRRRR!”

If we could have a week full of NFL Celebrity Jeopardy, here’s how I’d want it to go:

Monday: Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning
Tuesday: Terrell Owens(notes), Chad Johnson(notes), Plaxico Burress(notes)
Wednesday: Vince Young(notes), Brett Favre(notes), Ryan Fitzpatrick(notes)
Thursday: Shawne Merriman(notes), DeMarcus Ware(notes), Joey Porter(notes)
Friday: The top three scorers of the week

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t be picky. I’d be interested in watching just about any player with a halfway recognizable name. The one person I’d insist on is Joey Porter, because I’d like to see him get frustrated with his clicker thingie, snap into a ball of rage, and tear down the entire Jeopardy set with his bare hands.

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 12%

Related: NFL Offseason Ideas