In addition to driving ability, everybody knows you have to have a name that sounds like you should drive a stock car or else NASCAR just won’t letcha’ race.
It’s true. Think Cale Yarborough ever would have been let on a speedway if his name were Chaim Witz or George Papadopolis?? To chase that checkered flag, you must not only be born to drive, but also christened appropriately. Kevin Harvick, Kasey Kahne, Mark Martin, Kyle and Kurt Busch, Tony Stewart, they all fit the bill — just as Ricky Rudd, Terry Labonte and Rusty Wallace did once upon a time.
While only their insurance agents know for sure about their driving skills, many, many Major League Baseball players also could race NASCAR just because their names say so. That's why the Stew has put together The Dick Trickle All-Stars — the first full field of MLB players who sound like they could wear a helmet of a different sort.
The kind that comes with a visor and a built-in radio.
This being stockcar racing, we need a couple of rules and regulations first.
1) Guys with the last name of Gordon are out. Sorry, Alex (Royals) and Tom (Phillies). But seeing the way Jeff Gordon gets treated on the track by Junior fans, you should probably be thankful.
2) Nobody with initials. Anybody named J.D. (Drew) or A.J. (Burnett) would seem like an obvious, and thus NASCAR eligible. Which is why they, too, are excluded. (But Burnett would be a great name for a funny car driver, don't you think?)
3) Guys named “Luke” are excluded. See the above reasons, which would also apply if Bubba Trammell were still active.
So without further delay, here is our lineup, complete with numbers and presumed sponsors.