June 29, 2009
It's now been over a year since the Stew started advocating the banning of the hip bump to almost universal acclaim from Yahoo! commenters and All-Stars alike. Unfortunately, MLB has refused to address the issue and we still see ballplayers committing the act almost every day, brazenly putting the health of their own hips and the hips of their fans in direct danger.
What can we say? We tried.
But although it's a cause that will never fully leave our hearts, we believe it's time to start a new crusade against another harmful celebration mode. And because we don't want any more players needlessly put in the line of danger, we will not delay our campaign any further.
1. It's been proven dangerous: As a commenter on Sports Media Journal reminds us, ex-White Sox backup catcher Toby Hall(notes) appeared to hurt his shoulder last August after Jermaine Dye(notes) fended off one of his shaving cream attacks. He wasn't re-signed by the White Sox after the season and the Astros signed him in the offseason, only to void his contract because of a — yes, you guessed it — bum shoulder. This is what you'd call a cautionary tale. How many more careers need to be ended before we take action?
2. It burns your eyes: Last week, I grew a little excited when I saw a DC Sports Bog post titled "What A Shaving Cream Pie Feels Like." I figured that Dan Steinberg had enlisted a fellow WaPoer to surprise him during the middle of the work day with a plate of foam to the face. But instead of that type of gonzo journalism, Steinz just interviewed a Washington National and Capital about the experience.
I briefly thought about trying the experiment myself, but quickly dropped the idea. Know why? Because you'd have to be insane or in desperate need of blog hits to do such a thing. Getting shaving cream in your eyes hurts. And it burns. And it probably doesn't help your vision much. Look, if international policy can outlaw cruel and unusual punishment, why can't Bud Selig? (Insert your own joke about baseball's ridiculous blackout rules here.)
3. It's become cliché: The shaving cream pie is baseball's equivalent of the Gatorade cooler and it's grown about just as unoriginal and tiresome. I mean, where's the imagination, folks? Shouldn't we be demanding that players do something that'll draw a laugh out of the viewing audience that's older than seven?
4. It's preventing TV people from doing their jobs: I can't tell you how many times I've seen a thoughtful and revealing postgame interview interrupted by a mischievous ... wait, this is a reason to keep the shaving cream pie. Moving right along.
5. It's time to give other tactics a shot: You know what'd make me laugh? Seeing someone get slimed, You Can't Do That On Television-style, during their big moment. Or someone finding a spare lampshade and placing it over the star of the day's noggin. Or forgoing player interference altogether and giving the reporter The Tim McCarver instead. All alternatives are safer for the player and infinitely more entertaining.
So what do you say? Let's get this movement started.
Let's bump the shaving cream pie.