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The Nail in the Coffin: Your 2008 Kansas City Royals

Big League Stew

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As teams fall by the wayside and can no longer bank on the longest of mathematical odds to win their division, the Stew will be there to document their expiration with The Nail in the Coffin. Tenth in the ground are the Kansas City Royals, who joined the Pirates in being the most consistent team in the majors, never giving their fans any reason to believe anything other than a losing season was in store. Doubt that? Check out their PECOTA projection and current victory pace below. Yes, the normal pace of life continues in Kansas City.

So it is with relative indifference (again) that we remember the '08 Royals with this official death notice below. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to The Committee to Make Sure Both Stroud's and Genghis Khan Are Included In a Possible "Taste of Kansas City" Food Court at the Renovated Kauffman Stadium Fund.

As always, luncheon at Steve's Lounge to follow the service.

The 2008 Kansas City Royals

Time of death: Sept. 10, after 7-1 loss to Twins

Causes: Too worried about electrocuted kayakers to sign difference-maker Barry Bonds; Too distracted by world's largest HD scoreboard; Unalterable fact that they're the Kansas City Royals

PECOTA projection: 71 wins Current pace: 71

Moments in the Sun: The greatest highlight in the history of baseball celebrates 25th anniversary; Zack Greinke turns in one of best Answer Man sessions of the year; Wayne Gretzky drops by spring training; David DeJesus breakdances with Tim Lincecum at home plate; Royals writer Sam Mellinger visits In-N-Out Burger in Arizona

Moments of Despair: Announcer Ryan Lefebvre decides it's a good idea to ask why Milton Bradley can't be just like a former drug addict; Jose Guillen compares Royals clubhouse to nursery; Zack Greinke's girlfriend photographed wearing Cubs uniform

Others remember: "I'm tired of watching Ross Gload. I'm tired of watching Jose Guillen. I have a vague unsatisfied desire to see what Ryan Shealy can do. I would love to see Kila. Personally, I'm bored with Billy Butler, but would nevertheless prefer to see him play.

"Instead, we got Gload at first (1-4 with an inspirational double) and Guillen at DH (1-4). The wonderful thing about being a fan of this team is that you get a chance to see all your pet ideas and enthusiasms miserably fail; at different points I've been excited about guys like Esteban German, Mark Teahen, Alberto Callaspo, even Jason Smith for crying out loud. Then you see a lineup like tonight's, and wonder why you ever bothered.

"Boring and ineffective: your 2008 Kansas City Royals." — Royals Review, 9.11.08

Death watch (w/division elimination #s): Detroit (1), St. Louis (2), Colorado (2), Cleveland (3), San Francisco (3), Houston (4), Toronto (4), New York (AL) (4)

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