If anyone in Philadelphia asks John Mayberry what he's done for the Phillies lately, boy, does he have a sick burn ready for that poor soul.
After entering the game in the seventh inning Tuesday night, Mayberry unloaded for a tying home run in the 10th inning against Miami Marlins closer Steve Cishek. OK, fine. But what have you done for us even more lately? With two outs in the 11th, Mayberry sent everyone in Citizens Bank Park home happy (except for the Marlins, the dispassionate umpires and a handful of sociopaths with no feelings) with a walk-off grand slam.
He's the first Phillies player to win a game with a grand slam since Dale Murphy in 1991. And this, from the Elias Sports Bureau drawer: Mayberry is the first person in major league history to hit two extra-inning home runs with one being a game-ending grand slam. How about that?
''That was definitely one to remember,'' Mayberry said. ''It feels good, I'm not going to lie to you.''
Can you imagine if Mayberry said it felt bad? Everyone would think him strange. Anyway, Mayberry's slam against Edgar Olmos came after a sacrifice bunt by pinch-hitting pitcher Kyle Kendrick, an intentional walk to Freddy Galvis (???) and another walk to Erik Kratz.
Mayberry had struck out in his first at-bat back in the seventh inning, but that was just the Marlins falling into the Phillies' John Mayberry Extra Innings Trap, skipper Charlie Manuel said:
''Sometimes, when he comes off the bench -- I wouldn't call him a great pinch hitter -- but when he goes into the game, and he gets some time in the game, the next at-bat he becomes much better. He kind of runs in spurts, and tonight, well, tonight, he put some good swings on the ball.''
Hey, better late than never.
But what has he done for the Phillies on Wednesday?
(That's cold, man.)
(The Gatorade shower would have been better last.)