17 Times Formerly Religious Women Weren't Afraid To Share How Their Sex Lives Changed Once They Gave Up Religion
Recently u/Fickle-Confection-94 asked the women of the Reddit community: "Women who grew up in a very religious household, how is your current relationship with sex and intimacy?" These women revealed their various sexual experiences after giving up their religion, which were honestly pretty eye-opening.
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So, here are formerly religious women who weren't afraid to share what their sex lives are like nowadays:
Note: This post includes topics of verbal abuse and rape. Please proceed with caution.
1."I grew up with a very religious family that was a part of a high-demand religion, and sex was VERY demonized and taboo. My family was open about sex and talked about it, but I also knew that my parents would prefer that I died rather than have sex outside of marriage. That being said, I left a few years ago and still have INTENSE guilt associated with sex and sexuality. I still haven’t been able to be intimate with anyone because I immediately have a panic attack — so, in a nutshell, things aren't great (terrible, even)."
2."It's dog shit. I'm an ex-Jehovah's witness, and that shit is impossibly damaging. It's not just that I'm inexperienced [with sex], but every time I try to have sex, I constantly have to fight my anxiety coming from my severe self-image problems. I also always fear that whatever I do will just mess things up, so it's very, very hard for me to get going. And even then, I still have to fight my fear of being touched intimately."
3."I guess my household would qualify as 'very religious' to anyone who isn't religious, but we weren't fundie Christian or anything like that. I had kind of an 'eh' level of sex ed (I mostly educated myself), and went to the purity conferences as a teen. But honestly, I never really had any fear or shame associated with sex. If anything, I think practicing abstinence made me very open about sex and caused me to value it deeply. I was also always very theologically-minded and read a lot about the theology of sex and how it tied into my faith and its purpose. That made a serious impression on me."
"I didn't have sex until I was 28 when I got married, and haven't had any issues at all with my husband (other than the general learning curve). I'm glad I chose to wait, but I do acknowledge my experience probably wasn't 'typical' for many other religious women. I'm not really sure what the difference was for me and why I managed to avoid the 'sexual shame' route, but I'm hoping I figure it out before my daughter is born!"
4."I was raised in a Baptist household that was almost cult-like, and was shamed for even having my own opinion or reading. I did all of those things behind their back (I used to hide things like Kim from Gilmore Girls). From time to time I was beat to submission and would believe for some time, but then I would come to my senses. I explored who I was because I needed to be sane as soon as I could I got out of there. When I was 22 and told my mom I would never go to church again, they told me I died to them (the good side of this is that they didn’t talk to me for over a year, but alas, they always needed me — so they kept coming back). I had sex for the first time at 16 because I just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t want to be special or be in love — I just wanted to be safe, and it was for myself. I never used sex as a way to make people like me, but as a way to look out for myself."
"I had a small number of partners (I think six), but after I met my husband at 20 years old, that was it. We both have a good sex life, we openly talk about sex. I know what I like, what I don’t like, and I am vocal about that. I matured a lot in that way in the past few years, and I am happy with myself in that regard.
I think I was really lucky because when I was 18, I started to work at a place with mostly female employees. Some of them were older, and we became friends. We talked about sex a lot, and I could vocalize a lot of things on my mind and normalize them as well…having this kind of friendship was life-changing."
5."Growing up, my parents were completely against premarital sex, abortion, and contraceptive. To me, being against all of those things was hypocritical, especially since my parents got married because my mom was pregnant (this was in 1988, so it makes some sense). I had to relearn and make myself understand that my sexual partners did not correlate to my worth as a person. I don't think I'm a 'prude,' but I also prefer to be sexually intimate with someone I know well and really like (I'm not one for random hookups because that's just not who I am). I think premarital sex is not a big deal — the biggest thing is that it is the person's choice on what they want to do. I also think it's good to experiment and to find out what you like, whether that's with someone else or by yourself."
6."I was raised in an almost cult-like religious home and church. I was constantly shamed for having a womanly body, boobs, etc., and how sinful I was for having such a body. I needed to cover it up or else 'I'd be raped,' and it'd 'be my fault.' Men would allegedly lust after me, and then I'd go to hell. I felt (and still do sometimes) so ashamed of my body, and sinful for just existing. I married an amazing, wonderful human being who also happens to be my best friend. He loves me so much, and I love him. We waited until marriage to have sex, and boy, did that hurt getting started (I struggle with vaginismus). It's SOOOO much better now, though — but it took time and so much patience from both of us."
"He was so patient and careful, and really allowed me to take the lead so that I was always comfortable physically and emotionally. I really believe that's the only reason I'm doing so much better. If he had pushed me, I don't think I would've gotten any better.
We have so much fun now 🥰. He's my first consensual sexual partner, and I'm his, so it's fun exploring together and laughing when something weird happens. It's nice expressing ourselves this way together — I really enjoy sex now."
7."Because I never once masturbated and only ever repressed my sexuality, when I started having sex I was completely unable to mentally lean into it. For many years, sex was extremely painful and just felt terrible. It took years of trying before I had my first-ever orgasm (and it took seven years to stop feeling pain during sex, and start feeling turned on from penetration). It took about 10 years of exploring and retraining my brain to actually be able to orgasm during sex. It was such a painful and difficult road to get here, but I can finally say that I actually enjoy it now."
8."I used to think that I was raised very religious because my father was a pastor, but he was always pretty liberal and open to my sister and I finding different paths outside of religion and within different religions. My girlfriend on the other hand was raised Mormon, and was actually much more religious than I was. Now she's a cat girl with a high sex drive, and we have a very fulfilling sex life."
9."Sometimes I want to explore my sexuality. I want to be with someone of the same sex, but I'm in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to explore that option because I'm afraid of what my [religious] family might think. In the back of my mind, I still question the morality of it, even though I completely support relationships in the LGBTQ+ community."
10."Everything's so much better than I ever thought. At first I was a nervous wreck and pushed myself to do things I wasn’t ready for because I felt 'behind' (but it does get better). My biggest advice is to take the tiniest of baby steps because there is absolutely no timeline on when you should do things. Listen to what your gut says about people, and fuck what everyone else is doing. They didn’t grow up like you, so don’t worry about everyone else. I think knowledge is power, and helps you understand what exactly is going on and how to prepare yourself so you can feel comfortable and confident. Read read READ if you’re unsure, talk to other women, and be open with your partners."
11."I was EXTREMELY sexually repressed growing up (I grew up Mormon in Happy Valley in Utah). As a result, I have unique sexual tastes now — I went through a manic period of being obsessed with sex. I’ve now settled in a healthy, sex-positive place that I’m very happy with. I’m happily monogamously married :)."
12."I look for sex rather than intimacy. I have a hard time communicating because I grew up not speaking about most things because they were considered 'bad' — I thought I would get in trouble. I have a lot of work to do to undo things that have become natural instincts because of how I was raised when they're actually normal and natural."
13."Things feel pretty good these days. I am a bit more sexually conservative in some areas, and I don't like to talk about sex openly unless it's with a partner. Most of my friends are rather open. I also do care about people's relationships and how many people they've been with. But, with a partner, I can talk openly about sex, STD testing, and what I want and what I like. I will say that this is in spite of religion, not because of it. I enjoy sex, but I consider it private."
14."I grew up Catholic, and went through high school strongly believing I’d 'wait for the right one.' Then, I went to college. I never had the 'birds and the bees' talk with my mom — she always just told me to wait until marriage. 'Hook-up' culture in college slapped me in the face. I didn’t know you were supposed to pee after having sex, so I ended up getting a painful UTI because of it. I wish I had these conversations with my mom, but we just didn’t have that kind of relationship."
15."[My sex life and relationship with intimacy] is terrible. I have trouble viewing myself as a sexual being, and it affects my sex life. I want men to see me as a sexy woman, but I can’t behave in that way without cringing. It’s a huge internal battle I have."
16."I got out of a cult when I was 16 years old. I took my twenties to work through my childhood trauma with religion. I'm in my forties now, and my relationship with sex and intimacy has been good for the past 10 years or so."
17.And: "I'm speaking for myself here. I no longer practice religion, and I've discovered that I'm aroace. While biology inconveniences me with a high libido two to three days per month, I'm not romantically or sexually attracted to any guy. The act of sex is a purely physical and pleasurable release, but nothing more. If I do experience intimacy with a guy, it will be with someone I truly care about and respect. Otherwise, I'm content to abstain, and I'm happy with it."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.
