April 04, 2008
By now, most of you have probably seen the story about the Fenway Park hawk and how it attacked a young girl who was touring the fabled ground on Thursday.
You've probably all also enjoyed an ironic chortle over the fact that the victim in question was named — can you believe it?!? — Alexa Rodriguez.
Seriously, this story is so perfectly tailored for the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry, that I'm still not fully buying it until the Associated Press moves a copy of that girl's birth certificate across the wire
Regardless, it got me to thinking of which bird, other than Mark Fidrych, has played the most famous role in baseball history. I've compiled the most obvious choices below and will allow you, the readers of the Stew, to make the (duck) call.
Before you vote, meet the candidates ...
1. The Fenway Park Hawk
Hometown: Boston, Massachusetts
Known for: Terrorizing visiting school students in April of 2008, all in the name of "protecting its nest." Quickly became a news and Internet sensation after unknowingly choosing a target with the name of one of Beantown's most wanted.
Status: Trying to secure a better seat for Tuesday's home opener.
2. Randy Johnson's dove
Hometown: Tucson, Arizona
Known for: Exploding to smithereens after making the very unfortunate decision of intersecting the flight path of a Randy Johnson 99+ MPH fastball in 2001. Also for not accepting the following sympathies from the Big Unit, who was upset after the murder.
Status: Currently working as a throw pillow in the Dallas suburbs.
3. Dave Winfield's seagull
Hometown: Toronto, Ontario
Known for: Being in the wrong place at the wrong time during the fifth inning of a Yankees-Blue Jays game in 1983. Caused Winfield to be arrested and post a $500 bond before leaving Canada. (The charge was later dropped.)
Status: Dead as a doornail, though he might possibly surface on eBay in the future.
4. Albert Belle's middle finger
Hometown: Shreveport, Louisiana
Known for: Being the middle finger for the Human Middle Finger. Surfaced in return to Cleveland, also rumored to be sighted by home fans in Baltimore. Being a cathartic escape for anger. Lots and lots of anger.
Status: Still at the ready for any mention of "Joey!" or "Trick or Treat!"