Big League Stew - MLB

After appearing to lick his unfair reputation for bombing in the postseason during a strong ALCS, Alex Rodriguez(notes) finds himself off to a rough start in the World Series.

The Yankees aren't collectively stinging the ball against Phillies pitching, but A-Rod's line so far — 0-for-8 with six strikeouts — has folks talking and will get New Yorkers booing if he doesn't turn himself around in Game 3.

So, what's the matter with baseball's highest-paid player? A-Rod's got a lot of personal baggage, from admitting to using performance-enhancing drugs, to his self-loving Details Magazine photo shoot, to his celebrity relationships, including his current romance with Kate Hudson. A recent US Weekly article reports that Rodriguez put portraits of himself as a centaur over his bed. The alleged detail might mean nothing, but most reports paint A-Rod as one complicated guy.

Here are 10 educated guesses as to what's going on inside A-Rod's head right now:

10. Not having agent Scott Boras standing behind home plate at all times (like he was at Angel Stadium) = Linus van Pelt not having his blanket.

9. Explosive capsules injected into bloodstream by potential father-in-law Kurt Russell was thrilling at first, but applied a little too much pressure.

8. Says the World Series culture just isn't as "loosey-goosey" as it is the ALCS, where he slugged .952.

7. Never quite sure when changeling manager Joe Girardi is going to write "C. Ransom 3B" in Yankees lineup card.

6. Penny Lane told him she was moving to Morocco for a year with Russell from Stillwater.

5. He thinks Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks put something in the Gator ... ade (blacks out).

4. Misdiagnosed condition of having to slap the ball away every time one comes near continues to mess with his swing.

3. When told by his hitting coach to visualize success, all he can see is this lady, Selena Roberts rummaging through his garbage.

2. Identity crisis deepens after mistakenly thinking Yankees fans chants of "Who's your daddy?" are for him.

1. Explaining the centaurs above his bed was easy enough, but Hudson's persistent questions about the portraits he owns depicting Derek Jeter(notes) as a unicorn make A-Rod really uncomfortable.

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33 Comments

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  1. Peter D
    1. Posted by Peter D Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:35 pm EDT

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    11. Maybe Pedro+Lee are better than any other back-to-back matchup he has seen this post season
  2. RaymondGuy
    2. Posted by RaymondGuy Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:35 pm EDT

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    Looks like those PEDs have some serious side effects!
    * Rid MLB of PED Cheats *
  3. Sean C
    3. Posted by Sean C Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:40 pm EDT

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    FIRST woooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. elchorizo5
    4. Posted by elchorizo5 Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:47 pm EDT

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    no hgh no productivity
  5. DICK SMOTHERS
    5. Posted by DICK SMOTHERS Fri Oct 30, 2009 7:06 pm EDT

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    A-rod is an a$$....ha ha ha.
  6. Craig H
    6. Posted by Craig H Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:05 pm EDT

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    cant wait till arod slams a few homeruns and all of you blog commenting idiots have nothing to whack off to
  7. The Unsilent Majority
    7. Posted by The Unsilent Majority Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:11 pm EDT

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    Not really a fair piece, considering pretty much the entire lineup is having strikeout issues right now.
  8. Lolol
    8. Posted by Lolol Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:32 pm EDT

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    Wonderboy Ryan Howard struck out 7 times, pulling out the ole sombraro yesterday. Why not write 10 reason's he's struggling?
  9. shhhhh
    9. Posted by shhhhh Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:08 pm EDT

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    Where was the article when he batted .483 in the first 2 series and dominated pitching? Oh, yea. He had two bad games. You must of been itching to write this article since game 1. Sad.
  10. Deemo
    10. Posted by Deemo Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:17 pm EDT

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    I personally believe that the writer of this blog, David Brown, has gone through life with a very small penis and is very jealous of A-Rod's ability to get hot chicks. Any time Davey Boy has dropped his pants in front of a woman he has provoked nothing more than hystericall laughter!!!
  11. Kevin L
    11. Posted by Kevin L Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:12 pm EDT

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    Thats ironic because minotaurs are the reason I was never drafted by an MLB team. Well that and I never could develop a decent breaking pitch. Kinda hard to develop a good curve when youve got all those damn minotaurs running around the infield.
  12. tqmarty
    12. Posted by tqmarty Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:21 am EDT

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    must be a really slow news day. this top 10 would be laying all over dave's cutting room floor.
  13. sam spade
    13. Posted by sam spade Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:43 am EDT

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    the picture looks just nasty. Ugh!!! But I've been telling you that he has picked up some Gremlins. You know and i know that they are invisible nothings but A-Rod see them. He hears them. They giving him noogies; all sorts of non-existant stuff; but it's affecting A-Rod. Cliff Lee destroyed his timing. Pedro destroyed his confidence. all he has now is the Gremlins.
  14. sam spade
    14. Posted by sam spade Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:48 am EDT

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    really you should get rid of the picture. It looks like he about ready to be raped by a horse at gun point. It looks really nasty. Plus with the little girl in the background. Ugh!!!!!
  15. havanaharry01
    15. Posted by havanaharry01 Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:01 am EDT

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    A-Roid has got some personal issues if he hangs his own pictures above his bed.As far as his performance,well he is in a slump.It happens to everyone.The fact that it seems to happen to him in WS games,well,he ack! ack!ack! choke! choke! choke! ack! ack! All that Hollywood pizzazz isnt helping him at all.Heres to A-Roid whiffing another three times today!!
  16. havanaharry01
    16. Posted by havanaharry01 Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:04 am EDT

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    Boras should find him a good shrink.This boy has totaly lost it.And I dont mean just his swing.Next thing you know,he'll be dating Elton John.
  17. havanaharry01
    17. Posted by havanaharry01 Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:02 pm EDT

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    Lolol:The reason it isnt written on Howard is because he hasnt flunked out in the post before and A-Roid has numerous times.Any other questions little boy?
  18. Hugh Jass
    18. Posted by Hugh Jass Sat Oct 31, 2009 3:53 pm EDT

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    Do these steroids make my ass look big??
    Big players strike out, yes- but overpaid arrogant ones? That's just a pleasure to see...
  19. sam spade
    19. Posted by sam spade Sat Oct 31, 2009 4:06 pm EDT

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    Last night, A-Rod heard a noise at his crib. He went to investigate and found nothing. Gremlins. A-Rod can tell you that over the last few days things just don't feel right. Gremlins. Tonight, when he comes to the plate, see if you don't see them. He'll have this funny look on his face. they'll be on his shoulder. Pulling his nose. Giving him noogies. He'll be pulling off the ball. Striking out looking real bad. His head isn't even on the ball anymore. The Gremlins of Playoff Nightmares of the Past. Happy Halloween.
  20. Chief
    20. Posted by Chief Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:28 pm EDT

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    Poster #9 is right. The haters love to see A-Rod fail and paint him in a negative light no matter what he does. If A-Rod developed a cure for cancer the headlines, no doubt, would be: "A-Rod Responsible for Millions of Deaths for Failing to Find Cure Sooner!"

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