Boise is the least-stressed city in U.S., study says? Boom, your head just exploded

Weaving down Bogus Basin Road this ski season with a truckload of kids, I got a white-knuckle reminder of a depressing fact that many Idahoans accept.

This place ain’t as laid back as it once was.

A psychopath in a late-model-ish car started tailgating my pickup, flashing his mega-brights in an attempt to blind me at night. Over and over, he swerved into the other lane, ostensibly exploring the odds of success or death — flashing all the while. Squinting, we tolerated this rear view-mirror madness. Seemingly for an eternity.

My bad. I hadn’t pulled into a slow-vehicle turnout. A long stream of vehicles was descending directly in front of us. We all were snaking down the slick road essentially at the same reasonable speed. And this nut definitely hadn’t put me in the mood to be gracious.

Finally, he lurched past. The maniac immediately began tailgating and aggressively harassing the next driver. All the way to the bottom.

If I’d known what I know now, I would have exhaled gratefully. Smiled peacefully. Cranked up some soothing tropical rainstorm sounds on the stereo.

After all, Boise is the least-stressed city in America.

Uh, according to a new study.

Detroit? L.A.? No thanks

We’ve all groaned at these internet city rankings. These vapid, metrics-based breakdowns. Random companies churn them out as a marketing tactic.

Still, “The Most (and Least) Stressed Cities in the U.S.” seems plausible as an analysis? It was published by CBD-seller Charlotte’s Web. Any entity that manufactures sleep gummies certainly knows something about stress management, right?

Detroit is the No. 1 most-stressed city. New York is No. 2. Los Angeles managed to come in at only No. 7?

As an Idahoan, my head aches just thinking about those places.

Yet the more I ponder Boise’s least-stressed ranking — edging out Gilbert, Arizona, and Madison, Wisconsin, for the mellowest spot — the more my teeth grind.

“Boise was given a stress grade of A+ after earning low scores across the eight stress-inducing factors,” the article explains. “Boise has the fifth shortest mean travel time to work, at just 19 minutes, leaving residents with more time that isn’t spent sitting in stressful traffic on their way to and from work. Boise’s higher American Fitness Score of 66.5 also helped the city secure its top spot, showing that the residents of Boise are taking care of their physical and mental health, which greatly helps to reduce their stress levels.

“Residents of Boise are also facing less financial stress,” it continues, “as their cost of living is 5.3% lower than the national average, and the average percentage of household income that goes to rent is below the recommended 30% threshold, at 26.5%. Finally, Boise’s low rate of 16 crimes per 1,000 residents allows for less stress, as people feel safer in their community.”

Other factors that weighed in on the ranking? People in poverty, people without health insurance and the unemployment rate.

Still, sorry. No way.

Traffic, crowds

Too often when we step outside our homes, the City of Trees magically transforms into a patience-testing City of Puh-lease.

Need to drive between Boise and Meridian? Or on Eagle Road during rush hour? Heading to McCall after work on a Friday?

God help you.

Hoping to get a bite at a summer soul food festival in Julia Davis Park? Plan to do battle with massive crowds — and wait in line for eternity. Or just give up and leave.

Didn’t pump up your raft before you headed to Barber Park on a 103-degree day? Ada County conveniently removed the #$%@ air pumps.

(Yes, I’m still raging about that.)

Hoping to bike a popular trail without getting glared at by a hiker? Or vice-versa? Good luck.

Own a business downtown? Gee, the insane amount of construction everywhere must be fun. It sure is a good time trying to find parking.

Since laughter is the best medicine, let’s take a minute to breathe. My blood pressure actually dropped a few points when I noticed a Reddit thread about the stressed-cities article.

CBD ad? Totally

Redditors agree. Boise definitely is the least stressed city in the U.S.

“Unless you’re a woman requiring reproductive health,” wrote one.

“Or a trans person. Or someone who dresses in drag. Or a person who values libraries who don’t ban books,” chimed in another.

“Whoever wrote this never had to worry about making rent,” added one more.

“Just realized that this article is literally an advertisement for Charlotte’s Web brand CBD gummies,” another poster wrote.

Bingo!

And it stresses me out that I got suckered into reading it.

Everything is relative. Boise is way less stressful than tons of other cities. People who have lived in the Treasure Valley for decades can’t expect it to be as easygoing as it was before the population exploded.

As one of those smug citizens, I get that. Life is good here.

Besides, I’d rather be a little stressed than a lot paranoid.

“Someone is paying for all these quality-of-life articles to encourage people to move to the Gem State,” suggested one theorist on Reddit. “Someone wants more people to move to Boise, and it’s not Idahoans.”