27 Secret Things Pregnant Women Did That They Will Take To Their Grave
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We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the secret things they would never tell anyone they did while pregnant. Enjoy their dirty little secrets...
1."I would often pee my pants at work and just keep working in my pee pants until the end of my shift. I was a waitress, so you can't just go to the bathroom while you have ten tables."
Showtime
"But, I did wear black slacks and an apron, so you couldn't see anything. I also had an unquenchable thirst so it was odorless from how hydrated I was. Being pregnant is expensive AF, gotta pay those bills y'all!"
2."I was so constipated, I pulled my poop out with my fingers...with each pregnancy. I have three kids."
9Now
3."Once I woke up in the middle of the night and I really had to pee, but I was too big and too tired to get up. So, I cuddled up to my then S.O. and relieved myself all over him and the bed."
Paramount
"I fell right back to sleep, then I woke up to him saying 'Oh, my God,' over and over again. I felt so bad I cried, but he was so sweet he just gave me a hug, showered with me, and did the laundry."
4."I'm currently six months pregnant and things just keep falling out of me. It's even worse at work when I am talking to a co-worker trying to act as if I don't feel pee or discharge sliding down my thighs."
Disney
"Waddling down the hall to get to the nearest bathroom doesn't make it easier either."
5."I used to get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen on my way home from work, but not tell my husband. Then after dinner, I’d tell him I was CRAVING one and he would go get me another."
"When the doctor told me I needed to reign in my weight gain at my 37-week checkup, I swore up and down I was just bloated. Nope, I was made up of like 65% ice cream at that point."
6."I’m pregnant now and whenever I’m home, I’m dressed like Winnie the Pooh. T-shirt only. No pants, no bra, not even panties. Just a T-shirt."
Disney
7."I was the horny pregnant type, so I would masturbate at least twice a day, sometimes up to four or five times. Anything would turn me on."
LD Entertainment
8."I was craving pasta salad, so I went to the deli and got a pound. Instead of grabbing a fork, I ate the whole pound with my fingers in my car in the parking lot while crying because I thought the deli ham in the pasta salad was bad for the baby."
9."While pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I went to see Fifty Shades Darker. Later that night, we were being a little too rambunctious in bed and I started bleeding everywhere. We ran to the ER and found out I tore my vagina."
Universal Pictures
"I was mortified. Needless to say we kept the ER visit to ourselves."
10."I was constipated for two weeks and when I finally went, it was HUGE. It wouldn't flush. I started crying and my husband made 'poop soup' with a hanger and flushed it. I was embarrassed, but all he did was wink and say, 'And you complain about butt sex.' My hero."
MTV
11."I kept a long cardigan at work and used it as a blanket on the bathroom floor when I was too tired or nauseous to function."
12."I'm currently pregnant and have a HUGE craving for chewing on rubbery stuff, (balloons, rubber gloves, etc), but my favorite is pacifiers. I chew on pacifiers meant for my baby."
Fox
"I reached an all time low when I noticed I've done this to all the pacifiers, then I switched to bottle nipples. My husband decided not to replace any of them until the baby is here."
13."This may sound mean but I would tell my boyfriend that his scent made me nauseous at night just so he would sleep on the couch and I could have our full-size bed to myself."
Disney
14."I cried at the Taco Bell drive-thru because the guy wouldn’t make me a taco at nine am."
Fox
15."My husband and I were making out, about to get busy when he stopped and asked if I was bleeding. We both freaked out at the dark stain on the bed sheet. I went to the bathroom to investigate, no bleeding, couldn’t figure it out. That killed the mood, so I went to wash my sheets and realized it was poop."
NBC
"I had sharted all over the bed. I never told my husband."
16."I would have orgasms in my sleep. I know this can happen, even if you're not pregnant, but this happened a few times every week. It was amazing! LOL!"
Columbia Pictures
17."I peed in my sink a few times!"
18."I would get terrible gas every time I ate. I tried to be discrete, but soon everyone within my office knew."
New Line Cinema
"The only good thing was that I was working with them for only a few weeks and will likely never see them again."
19."I had to wear TWO pairs of granny panties and put deodorant on my ass and bikini line. If I didn’t, I would sweat through my pants."
MTV
"Even jeans. Like, visibly sweating for everyone to see my excessive crotch and ass swamp."
20."I'm currently pregnant and I've gotten used to vomiting regularly. Last night I got halfway through a delicious chicken sandwich and felt the urge to immediately throw up. I did so, cleaned myself up, and immediately went back to eating my sandwich."
Paramount Pictures
"In my defense, it was a really good sandwich."
21."During post-pregnancy, I never told my husband that it was OK for me to take over kitty litter duty once again. Our son is now seven months and my husband is still scooping doo-doo."
CW
22."I was sitting at mom's chugging apple juice and she says, 'Keep drinking all that juice and you're going to sh*t yourself.' Sure enough, five minutes later I had sh*t running down my legs as I waddled to the bathroom."
23."I spent about a hundred bucks on snacks for my preggo self from Trader Joe's one day. The cashier asked if I was throwing a party. I just silently nodded."
Warner Bros.
"Took less than a week to demolish them all."
24."I was so fed up with being constipated that I locked myself in the bathroom, squatted down in the bathtub, held onto the edge and pushed out a 20-pound bowel movement. I just scooped it up with a plastic bag and took it to the dumpster."
Logo / Via weheartit.com
"I scrubbed the tub for an hour. But, man, that sense of relief was worth the nastiness."
25."I ate dirt. I would look for specific little dirt pebbles I was craving that smell after the rain hits the ground."
Comedy Central
"However, now I know that it may be due to your body missing vitamins and minerals, so talk to your doctor if you have strange cravings!"
26."Wiping after using the bathroom was almost impossible for me in my third trimester. One day, I literally broke our toilet seat trying to reach."
NBC
"Then I had to tell my husband instead of stealthily replacing it because I couldn't reach the seat belt without help to drive. I also gained 80-plus pounds and had swollen everything."
27."I really craved the way White Castle smelled. I don’t eat burgers, so I wouldn’t order any, but I would constantly suggest to my husband that he should get some. I would just sit there sniffing the bag."
WE tv
"I also felt that way about the smell of Home Depot. I would just walk my pregnant ass around the store."
Some Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
