Morocco pulled off one of the biggest upsets in World Cup history in a win over Spain that was decided by penalty kicks. Morocco will advance to its first ever World Cup quarterfinals where they’ll face Portugal, coming off a 6-1 rout over Switzerland. Cristiano Ronaldo was benched for much of Portugal’s match against Switzerland, in which his replacement Goncal Ramos scored three goals. The MLB offseason continues to heat up as a now retracted report that Aaron Judge was leaving the New York Yankees for the San Francisco Giants broke the Internet… but not for the reason you’d expect. Plus, Aaron Judge is now the proud owner of the best accidental nickname in sports.
JARED QUAY: That was the moment Morocco became the latest to wear the glass slipper as a World Cup Cinderella, as Astrup Hakimi secured the upset win over Spain in a game that was decided by penalty kicks. The match was a human interest story for the ages, as Morocco advanced to its first-ever World Cup quarterfinals, and because many of its players are of Spanish descent and play in Spain.
Spain and Morocco are separated by the Strait of Gibraltar, less than 9 miles wide. I have a degree in geography, everybody. Thank you very much.
- I can see Russia from my house!
JARED QUAY: Morocco has its work cut out for him in the quarters, though, when they take on Portugal, a team that absolutely crushed Switzerland in the round of 16. And that happened with one of the greatest men to ever wear cleats riding the bench.
- Oh no, he didn't.
JARED QUAY: 37-year-old diva Cristiano Ronaldo didn't take the pinch until 72 minutes into the game, with Portugal holding a huge 5-1 lead. Thanks in large part to his replacement, Goncalo Ramos, who scored a freaking hat trick. Leaving us asking the question, Ronaldo who?
- You're a fool.
JARED QUAY: I'm just playing. But clearly, the next era of Portugal football is in good hands.
- And that's no mean feat!
JARED QUAY: The MLB offseason caught fire on Tuesday, when acclaimed baseball columnist Jon Heyman tweeted that superstar slugger Aaron Judge was leaving the New York Yankees for the San Francisco Giants.
Not long after, he essentially retracted his report, saying the Giants hadn't heard from Judge and he apologized for quote, "jumping the gun." Heyman deleted the original tweet, and also deleted an earlier draft with the erroneous tweet, where homie misspelled the best player in baseball's name, unintentionally giving us the sickest nickname in sports. Arson Judge.
- Order in the court.
JARED QUAY: Arson Judge sounds like a real-ass job to me. You know, someone start a fire, you got to go before the arson judge. I'll be here all week. Of course, Twitter erupted with jokes, memes, and gifs galore. But not everyone found the gaffe funny. Giants pitcher Logan Webb was pissed.
And can you blame him? His team finished 30 games out of first place in the NL West last season. Add in 62 home runs, and the Giants wouldn't have been such hot garbage. Although, hot garbage is probably what Arson Judge eats for breakfast. Damn, I hope Aaron doesn't actually sign with the Giants after I record this, because, ugh! The news cycle happens so fast, and they're like, yo, why didn't you cover Judge being on the--