This week's rankings are brought to you by the American League East.
For competition purposes, we've increased roster sizes and designated the Philadelphia Phillies for re-entry, but don't expect anyone to watch.
1.New York Yankees (56-32; Previous: 1) – In honor of Steinbrenner's passing, during upcoming homestand Yankees to fire one random public relations intern each day.
2.Tampa Bay Rays (54-34; Previous: 4) – Rays open second half in New York, hoping Girardi still waiting on that one perfect moment for A-Rod.
3.Boston Red Sox (51-37; Previous: 2) – Red Sox to observe Steinbrenner with moment of silence at Fenway Park, to be immediately followed by boozy chants of "Jeter sucks!"
4.Atlanta Braves (52-36; Previous: 6) – In trade of Escobar, Braves cite "addition by subtraction" metric. SABR guys mark them down for not showing their work.
5.Texas Rangers (50-38; Previous: 3) – Ryan sues Rangers, who, honestly, can't blame him.
7.Chicago White Sox (49-38; Previous: 16) – "The Club," a reality show about the White Sox, debuts Sunday. It features the nutty, moody, joyful, profane, vengeful, silly and tortured aspects of the White Sox, and then moves beyond Ozzie.
8.Colorado Rockies (49-39; Previous: 17) – Suspicions arise that Rockies advantageously swap out humidor balls for non, which is not true. Have been known, however, to pump in sea-level air during tops of innings.
9.Detroit Tigers (48-38; Previous: 13) – Triple Crown hopeful Cabrera eliminated early in Home Run Derby. Does lead event in batting average and RBIs, though.
10.Los Angeles Dodgers (49-39; Previous: 14) – Judge in McCourt divorce case says club might have to be sold. Frank McCourt chains self to out-of-town scoreboard.
11.New York Mets (48-40; Previous: 7) – Beltran makes return to clubhouse, unpacks glove, spikes, toiletries and two spare knees.
12. Philadelphia Phillies (47-40; Previous: 11) – The third-place Phillies need a starting pitcher. In other news, their farm system continues to be well-stocked.
13.Cincinnati Reds (49-41; Previous: 10) – Votto won't congratulate Byrd for helping NL win All-Star game, because, he said, "I don't like the Cubs." Later explains he was merely trying to be sympathetic toward actual Cubs fans.
14.St. Louis Cardinals (47-41; Previous: 9) – Cards begin second half a game back of the Reds. Pujols figures he's got that much in his change pocket.
15.San Francisco Giants (47-41; Previous: 15) – Giants have competition, but really hope Brewers trade their Hart to San Francisco.
16.Los Angeles Angels (47-44; Previous: 8) – Anaheim All-Star game gets lowest TV ratings ever. Fox rethinks strategy, will have 2011 game determine next presidential election.
17.Minnesota Twins (46-42; Previous: 12) – Mauer enters second half seeking first home run at Target Field. In fact, seeks first home run within a thousand miles of Target Field.
18.Toronto Blue Jays (44-45; Previous: 18) – Jays executives have another great ESPYs party, win Best Foreign Major League Baseball Team for third time in six years. Still at loss to explain other three years.
19.Oakland Athletics (43-46; Previous: 19) – Braden-inspired "Get Off My Mound" T-shirts selling well in Oakland, much better than original idea, "Get Off My DL."
20.Kansas City Royals (39-49; Previous: 22) – Yost declares, "We're in it." Course, depends on what your definition of "it" is. Or "in." "We're" a little vague, too.
21.Florida Marlins (42-46; Previous: 21) – Red Sox lefty Jon Lester(notes) on his experiences with former minor league teammate Hanley Ramirez(notes): " … There was no chance on God's green Earth that I was getting a pizza with him." A calzone? Maybe.
22.Milwaukee Brewers (40-49; Previous: 20) – So, Melvin willing to trade Fielder, Hart and Weeks, but says he's giving no thought to replacing Macha. Just wanted to be sure we had that straight.
23.Chicago Cubs (39-50; Previous: 23) – Malfunctioning fireworks and resulting crowd injuries at a minor league park in New York serve as grim reminder to Cubs: When Zambrano returns, point Piniella away from stands.
24.Washington Nationals (39-50; Previous: 24) – Harper wins Golden Spikes Award, finds heel pads reduce excessive blistering.
25.Houston Astros (36-53; Previous: 27) – Chupacabra (the mystical goat sucker) sightings in Texas have locals believing they've now seen something uglier than the Astros' offense.
26.Seattle Mariners (35-53; Previous: 25) – There's no "O" in Zduriencik. How weird is that?
27.Arizona Diamondbacks (34-55; Previous: 26) – D'backs kick off preparation for '11 All-Star game by handing out free protest signs and gas masks to first 10,000 to attend second-half opener.
28.Cleveland Indians (34-54; Previous: 28) – Cleveland deals with The Decision. Indians cope with The Derision.
29.Baltimore Orioles (29-59; Previous: 29) – The good news for O's fans: Showalter will run a necessarily tight ship. The bad news: All the passengers are knee-deep in water.
30.Pittsburgh Pirates (30-58; Previous: 30) – The Astros come to town for three. Everywhere else, it's viewed a dreary series. In Pittsburgh, a fair fight.