Nearly halfway through the baseball season, revelations abound.

The Cincinnati Reds have just enough pitching to make a race in the NL Central.

The San Diego Padres have just enough offense to lead the NL West.

The Florida Marlins have just enough arrogance to utterly foul up their season.

And Carlos Zambrano(notes) has just enough gall to blame other people for his failures.

Week 13:

1.New York Yankees (47-30; Previous: 1) – Teixeira confirms he went by "Kurt" as a teenager, goes on to explain Kurt has taken most of his at-bats with runners in scoring position lately.

2.Boston Red Sox (47-32; Previous: 3) – Bard on pace to pitch in 80 games. The poet in us is searching for a word that rhymes with "dead-arm."

3.Texas Rangers (47-30; Previous: 8) – Rangers win 11 in a row, judge rules they owe seven to creditors.

4.Tampa Bay Rays (45-32; Previous: 2) – Rays announce life may not be sustainable during summers in St. Pete, though could return every winter for early bird prime rib specials and long, slow drives with left blinkers on.

5. San Diego Padres (46-32; Previous: 9) – Pads relievers adopt moniker "The Penitentiary," rest of club agrees they probably should shower by themselves.

6.Atlanta Braves (46-33; Previous: 4) – Brooks Conrad(notes) loses ball in shirt, opposing players a little uncomfortable with his awkward attempts at tag plays.

7.New York Mets (44-34; Previous: 13) – Manuel announces plan to pitch Maine on "off days," team privately hopes Maine's ERA will come down a little.

8.Los Angeles Angels (44-36; Previous: 12) – Vlad returns to Anaheim, actually feels bad Angels have to go without a DH this year.

9.St. Louis Cardinals (43-35; Previous: 14) – Cards lose two of three in Kansas City. Would call it a lost weekend, except they've been driving I-70 for years.

10. Cincinnati Reds (44-35; Previous: 10) – Phillips cited for driving 72 in a 35-mph zone, explained the change in speeds got him out on his front foot a little.

11.Philadelphia Phillies (41-35; Previous: 15) – Tased kid gets probation, also sentenced to 30 hours of community service, to be spent driving Moyer to library, post office and church bingo.

11.Minnesota Twins (43-35; Previous: 5) – Mauer in a bit of a slump. In show of support, sideburns grown by thousands of Minnesotans. Men, too.

13.Detroit Tigers (41-36; Previous: 16) – Umpires think of new and interesting ways to screw Tigers, can't wait to see Leyland's face during planned "Every Man Eject A Pitcher" night.

14.Los Angeles Dodgers (43-35; Previous: 7) – Dodgers shoot themselves in foot with poor baserunning. Padilla leads postgame meeting on gun safety.

15.San Francisco Giants (40-37; Previous: 6) – Giants challenging all-time GIDP record, Sandoval grounds into two on off-day.

16.Chicago White Sox (40-37; Previous: 21) – Reinsdorf patches up Williams-Guillen feud, still working on Collins-Jordan, Krause-Jackson, Piniella-Zambrano.

17.Colorado Rockies (41-37; Previous: 17) – Baylor itching for another shot as big league manager, in meantime would bide his time, settle for Orioles job.

18.Toronto Blue Jays (40-39; Previous: 11) – Jays give up series for G20 Summit, host Phillies in Philly, lose a Halladay victory, bus from ballpark after home game, keep theme going with backward move in standings.

19.Oakland Athletics (38-41; Previous: 18) – San Jose city council certifies environmental impact report after assurances elephant mascot, Stomper, will watch his step around region's chipmunks, owls and butterflies.

20.Milwaukee Brewers (35-43; Previous: 24) – Angels think Fielder would look good in an Angels uniform. Or two.

21. Florida Marlins (37-41; Previous: 19) – PETA protests aquarium idea at new ballpark, says fish will be creeped out by sight of Fredi Gonzalez in cement shoes.

22.Kansas City Royals (33-45; Previous: 23) – DeJesus batting .407 in June or, as it's known in dead-end Kansas City, "Smellin' the trading deadline."

23.Chicago Cubs (34-44; Previous: 22) – Attendance at Wrigley down, most obvious empty spaces in middle of Cubs' batting order, Z's head.

24.Washington Nationals (34-45; Previous: 20) – We don't know much about the memorabilia game, but it looks like owning a Stephen Strasburg(notes) rookie card will cost you more than owning Stephen Strasburg himself.

25.Seattle Mariners (33-44; Previous: 27) – Zduriencik prepares to enter market with Lee, wants young pitching, a power bat and maybe one of those cool glow-in-the-dark watches.

26.Arizona Diamondbacks (30-48; Previous: 25) – Jackson throws 149 pitches in no-hitter, Hinch says he'll make next start on schedule but will be on a strict pitch count: 12.

27.Houston Astros (31-48; Previous: 26) – With a month to trading deadline, teammates wearying of Oswalt's daily joke, where he asks passersby, "Hey, would you help me carry these boxes out to my car?"

28.Cleveland Indians (30-47; Previous: 28) – Indians minor leaguers get into trouble at a bar called Whiskey Dick's, which, coincidentally, is the same place Indians management decided to give Travis Hafner(notes) $57 million.

29.Baltimore Orioles (24-53; Previous: 30) – O's recruiting manager candidates, conduct search with van, blindfold and three thugs.

30.Pittsburgh Pirates (27-51; Previous: 29) – Management feels bad about firing pierogi guy, make it up to him by bringing him back, allowing him to play second base and bat sixth in series of his choice.