The Portland Trail Blazers' #FirstTweet is a major bummer

Twitter's unveiling of a new tool that shows you the first tweet ever written by any user has provided a pleasant (and sometimes cringe-inducing) diversion for many of us on Thursday. Mine, naturally, was about waiting to comment along with Ball Don't Lie's liveblog of the gold medal game of the 2008 Summer Olympics between the U.S. and Spain. I didn't work here then, and I was staying up to watch/comment while in Montreal on vacation with my future wife. (I've been doing everything wrong for years.)

For the most part, folks diving back into their pasts have realized that their inaugural 140-character missives were largely about trying to figure out what this new communication tool was, and how to use it. After all, nobody was a "social media guru" or "master of Tweet-Fu" on Day 1. You had to build up to being that much of a dummy.

NBA teams, too, needed some time to figure things out. A quick run through the first-ever tweets of the official accounts associated with the 30 NBA teams reveals that opening salvos tended to fall into one of TK categories:

No, for real, it is us, accept no substitutes: Charlotte Bobcats, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns, Toronto Raptors

We now join our regularly scheduled program, already in progress: Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Indiana Pacers, Minnesota Timberwolves, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Utah Jazz

Please go buy tickets at our website: Chicago Bulls, Denver Nuggets, Los Angeles Clippers, Orlando Magic

Hey, we've got a game coming up!: Golden State Warriors, Milwaukee Bucks, then-New Jersey Nets, San Antonio Spurs

Here's a link to some cheerleader pictures and also a stray shot at college basketball: Oklahoma City Thunder.

There are some, however, that stand out as interesting or noteworthy in one respect or another, led by the Portland Trail Blazers' delivery of what might be the biggest non-bracket-busting bummer you experience all day:

Awwwwwww, crud.

(The Memphis Grizzlies also kicked off their Twitter account by expressing excitement about the 2007 draft, which saw them take Mike Conley out of Ohio State with the No. 4 overall pick. We're guessing they feel a bit better about how that turned out these days.)

OK, let's cleanse the palate a little bit:

What self-respecting Atlanta Hawks fan wouldn't be interested in a sentient, first-person-speaking Twitter account devoted to the celebration of Mike Woodson's 2008-09 squad? "I believe this is the beginning of Marvin Williams becoming a superstar." "If Flip Murray doesn't win Sixth Man of the Year, I am launching an investigation." "I'm feeling really confident in my most recent purchase: a Mike Bibby shirsey."

Not really, but I see what you did there. Also, I see that you've been Madvillaining your team name since your very first tweet. Boy, do I wish you would stop that! Oh, well, maybe it'll happen in the next 5 1/2 years.

Legit strat. Mark Cuban's always been ahead of the digital game.

Now I see what inspired the Hawks' social media presence. Classic intra-Southeast Division biting. The good news is that the Wizards wound up getting acclimated enough to capitalize proper nouns like Twitter and to say they got "used to" things. Also, the first-person eventually disappeared, which I suppose we can chalk up to magicks (not sure whether light or dark).

Implicit apology for lateness, "Twittering" instead of "tweeting," old branding. Three for three.

I'm choosing to believe this was written by Slamson, and none of you are going to be able to convince me otherwise. (Also, here's hoping Slamson, or whoever you claim wrote this, enjoyed that barn-burner of a game.)

Hat-tip to Deadspin's Barry Petchesky.

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Dan Devine is an editor for Ball Don't Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at or follow him on Twitter!

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