We’re at the one-quarter mark of the NFL season, and here’s what we know: there are a couple very good teams and a whole lot of decent ones. But here, we’re going to talk about the ones that don’t even make that cut. Welcome to the Sorry Six. These aren’t necessarily the worst teams (though being terrible is a good way to get on this list). No, the Sorry Six honors the underachieving and underdelivering of every week. And where else to start but the underachieving team of the year?
Week 5’s Sorry Six
1. New York Giants—Another week, another winnable game lost. The Giants are already two games worse than the Jets four games into the season, and if you had bet on that, you’d have enough money to sign Odell Beckham Jr. to your flag football team. And considering how the season’s going, you could probably get him.
2. Washington Redskins—You had the best team in the NFL on the ropes, Washington, and you let ‘em slip your clutches! More importantly, you gave up a late touchdown that flipped hundreds of thousands of dollars of bets in Vegas. Be careful, Washington. We’ve seen movies. Vegas doesn’t like it when people are careless with its funds.
3. Atlanta Falcons—Yes, they’re 3-1, but they’re one completed goal line pass and one dubious replay overturn from being 1-3. Like their fellow Super Bowl alumni New England, Atlanta’s one of the best 45-minute football teams in the league—which isn’t great news when games are 60 minutes.
4. Los Angeles Chargers—0-4 and yet so close to 4-0. At some point, karma is going to turn for the Chargers and they’re going to be set up for a 20-year run atop the NFL. And right about then, the earth will fall into the sun.
5. Chicago Bears—It’s entirely possible that Mitchell Trubisky will step onto the field Monday night and transform this team into a juggernaut that’ll win titles for 10 years. It’s also possible that Trubisky will get ground to powder and Cub-addled Chicago fans will deny the football team even exists. Which way would you bet?
6 through 6 million—Anyone who watched that awful San Francisco 49ers-Arizona Cardinals game, which featured a numbing nine field goals. Yes, the game ended with an astonishing Larry Fitzgerald TD catch, but that’s like throwing a Gummi bear on top of a bowl of dog food. Terrible teams, terrible game.
Sorry That Happened To You
Look, generally a New York Jets-Jacksonville Jaguars match is about as much fun as watching your laundry dry. But this week’s game was actually kind of decent—too decent to be spoiled by a cheap taunting penalty on Jags linebacker Paul Posluzny that set up the Jets’ game-winning field goal. C’mon, refs, haven’t we had enough flag stories this week? Let ‘em play. Sorry that happened to you, Jags.
Sorry Matchup of Week 5
Oh, what a bouquet of suck we have this week on the schedule. You’ve got the Jets playing the Cleveland Browns, followed by the Indianapolis Colts “challenging” the 49ers, as well as the New York Giants playing the Los Angeles Chargers. Six teams, 16 games played, three wins among them … and two of those belong to the dang Jets. If you’re one of those folks who’ve said they’re boycotting the NFL this season, this week will be an easy one to keep your pledge.
That’ll do it for this week. Got a Sorry Six nominee for next week? Hit us up right here at firstname.lastname@example.org. And remember, friends: Never be sorry.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports and the author of EARNHARDT NATION, on sale now at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Contact him at email@example.com or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.