Dirty Tackle - World Soccer

Cesc Fabregas

Back in London. ... I wonder what the guys at Barcelona are doing right now. ... Probably something fun that they'll win a trophy for. ... Like fingerpainting on Pep's head. ... Haha I really hope Thomas Vermaelen doesn't try to eat me this season. ... Gotta think of a way to get Pique and Puyol back for that Barca shirt prank. ... Maybe I could have Jose Mourinho intercourse their mothers. ... Nah, he's probably already doing that. ... Maybe now that I'm here, Wenger will stop emailing me pictures of himself looking sad. ... Yeah, I bet the Barca guys are doing something really fun right now...

Jose Gonzalez


Korean Pitch Invader

Oh, this is bad. ... "If you run out on the pitch, I'll buy you all the beer you can drink," Frank said. Now he'll be drinking all of my beer while the Men in Black electrocute my pelvis and then erase my memory. ... I hate you, Frank. ... I wasn't even prepared for this. Had I known I was going to be running for my life tonight, I probably would've worn something other than socks with sandals. ... Which raises another point — I really have to stop letting my dad dress me. ... Ugh, what are these guys going to do to me? If they impregnate me with goat seed, I'm going to be really upset. ... Maybe Lionel Messi will save me if I tell him that I have Legos. ... No! NO! I think one of them just said something about being locked in a room with Carles Puyol! No! The hair will be everywhere! ... The hair will be everywhere...

Didier Drogba

Time for the f***ing disgraces. ... First, I wasn't that irate this week because I remembered how awesome I am and that sometimes I get to dress up like this. That is not a f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Chelsea lost to Ajax, Frankfurt and Hamburg and I spilled grape juice on my favorite pants. That was all a monstrous f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou tried to turn down the radio in my car, but he changed the time on the clock instead, which made me late for everything for about a week. That was a total f***ing disgrace and will result in me beating him with a scepter. ... Then, I got you to look at my crotch whether you wanted to or not. That's not a f***ing disgrace, either. ... Then, there were those times that those two bald refs who probably wet the bed for fun cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

Photos: AP, Getty Images

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