Dirty Tackle - World Soccer

World Cup training camps are now in full swing and many teams are already showing off their own unique brands of preparing for South Africa. The French, for example, are altitude training in the Alps.

Pictured above we have Franck Ribery leading the squad on a leisurely bike ride to the home of a local 17-year-old girl.

But that was hardly all France had planned for the day...

Ski lift rides! With William Gallas on there, it sure would be a shame if that thing got stuck forever. 

And treks through the snow-covered mountains. If they get caught in an avalanche, I'm pretty sure they'll eat Raymond Domenech first. But they might do that even if there isn't an avalanche.

While the training purposes of trudging through the snow can easily be justified, I think the real reason behind this was just to dress Ribery up like this:


I've never seen a man suspended for the Champions League final and currently involved in an underage prostitute scandal so overjoyed. 

Elsewhere, World Cup virgin Toni Kroos does not seem to mind possibly losing another aspect of his virginity to the hulking left arm of former New Zealand rugby player Jonah Tali Lomu in front of all those people at German national team training in Sicily. Yes yes, he seems quietly pleased with the situation on the whole. Welcome to the World Cup.

Meanwhile, dude in the back appears to be trying out for cheerleading captain.

Here we have the Germans' super-secret training method where they will make up for the loss of captain Michael Ballack by simply jamming together two pretty good footballers to conjoin them at the neck and make one MEGA GERMAN!!!! Not pictured was the take of this drill where Jerome Boateng was held accountable for his brother's misdeeds.

Not only does the Algerian team get to play volleyball with their heads, but they also get to perfect their violent on-field edge by living in a magical circus tent filled with mental clowns and possessed bunnies! Yipee!

England's tremendous success in World Cup qualifying is owed in large part to its no-nonsense Italian manager, Fabio Capello. His strict regimen includes no WAGS or agents at camp, and all mistakes in the back will be punished by a nail-gun to the head. England is going hard for the cup, this is no joke. God save the Queen and Matthew Upson's eyebrow. 

Photos: Reuters, AP, Getty

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