Dirty Tackle - World Soccer

The gift that keeps on giving continues on in mind-bending fashion with another couple of Q&A sessions direct from Andrei/ey Arshavin's official website. Join us as we once again delve into the madness...

He starts things off by getting philosophical:

1. From iloveme
Andrey, what do you think people need pain for?
: For people not to forget that they are mere mortals. Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.

2. From tasha100 know,
You know sometimes I feel so down. What shall I do?
: Try to overcome this situation. Think that after this bad streak, there’s definitely going to be a good one. Despondency is a sin.

I like to think he drops this kind of wisdom on Nicklas Bendtner in the Arsenal dressing room and Bendtner responds by asking if his hair looks OK. 

4. From KaTS
Andrey, please tell me, do you really like to answer this great number of questions from you fans? Don’t you feel bored?
: First, I try to do it when I have spare time. Secondly, I see how many people are interested in our football and my personal life. You spend your time, I spend mine. Therefore, when it doesn’t interfere with my work or does not distract from my family's affairs, I reply. Is it good or bad?

GOOD. Shut it, KaTS. You're not going to ruin this for the rest of us.

6. From Ctepan
Hi, Andrey, I want to play like you.
: Play then.

I love this for two reason. 1) That it somehow made the cut. 2) That Arshavin responded to this non-question in such a dismissive way. He will not pander to your inane statements.

7. From RinaBeer
Hi. I am 25 years old and I’m still not married. My parents are very upset about this. They say I can end up a spinster. But I don’t want to get married yet. What shall I do? (Sorry if this is off topic; just
want to know your opinion)
Arshavin: I think I can help you.
Step 1: You need to find a scruffy heavy drinker.
Step 2: Once you’ve found him, try to persuade him to “marry” you. I think that for a small amount of money, he will agree to fulfill the role of your fiancé :)
Final: Bring this guy home. Tell your parents he’ll live with you ;)
I think next time they will think better before forcing their opinion on you.

First of all, given the supremely bizarre questions he gets asked in these things, how could this possibly be off topic? What's on topic? As for Arshavin's plan, that's just total win. He actually takes the time to consider this stuff. How does he not have a TV show yet?!

9. From 1009
Hi, Andrey! Some people say that the rain comes when the angels cry; some people say that it is a natural process. What do you think? Do you like rain?? Hi to Julia and the kids !!!!!
: No, I do not think that it’s angels’ tears. It's simply a natural phenomenon. Although it sounds more romantic the way you put it.

Arshavin does not have time for your romanticism of natural phenomenon. 

10. From finta
Does anybody go in for sports in your family?
: Me.


14. From lambada
Hi, Andrey, in what order would you place the following animals: a tiger, a cow, a pig, a horse, a sheep?
: A pig - it will always get the last place! A tiger, a cow, a horse, a sheep. And I’ll repeat that a pig is always the last one, because it is a pig.

What? How is this a question to ask anyone, let alone a footballer? Why those animals specifically? Who are these people?

Oh, and the pig -- always the last one. Because it is a pig. Apparently it can't be said enough.

16. From samara4ever
How do you see yourself in 50 years?
: 78-year old man, with aching legs and a glamorous walking stick :)

So he's going to have a pimp cane when he gets old. Makes sense.

5. From didi
Hi Andrey, I bet nobody has ever asked you this and nobody ever will, I’m sure: what color is your bath sponge?
: Blue.

Well, OK. Glad that's settled.

7. From sgonch
Hello Andrey, thanks for the site.
The question is: I’ve noticed that you stick your tongue out during the game, why do you do this? On the one hand it is strange because I’ve never seen it done by any other football player, on the other hand the great Michael Jordan was doing just the same thing while playing. Actually I should say I’ve noticed that sometimes you behave on the pitch exactly like Jordan. What do you think about this athlete?
: This is by nature. There are a lot of photographs of me with my tongue hanging out, but I don’t do it on purpose. I was always an NBA Chicago supporter. I think that Jordan is the best basketball player in history. Although I don’t think I have anything in common with him apart from my stuck out tongue.

I'm an NBA Philadelphia supporter myself, but NBA Chicago is cool, too. 

8. From rita
Hi, what do you think about piercing?
Arshavin: I disapprove of it.

9. From Tanechka
I’ve noticed that Julia loves to wear glasses! Is that true? And what is her favorite brand? Why don’t you wear any sunglasses?
Arshavin: They don’t suit me. Besides I’m indifferent to accessories: glasses, belts, etc. As for Julia, yes, she loves glasses. I’ve never asked her about her favorite brand.

Andrei Arshavin does not have time for piercings or belts. 

10. From lels
Hello, Andrey!
Thanks for your game!
I would like to know whether you like cactuses.
Thanks in advance ...
: They are prickly; I remember we had them in kindergarten. We also had some at home. I didn’t like them then and I don’t like them now.

Or cacti. Arshavin will never like you, cactus!

11. From Africa
Dear AA, having read your answers I’ve got the impression (perhaps I’m wrong) that you are bored of life!
Sincerely, Africa
: I find life interesting.

And it's that kind of dispassionate bluntness that has Africa so confused. 

13. From Africa
Hello, our AA! Do you believe in extraterrestrial civilizations?
: Truly speaking I do not believe in extraterrestrial civilizations, I believe that we live on this planet alone, although my wife says the opposite. I do not like science fiction, fantasy books or movies. I’m indifferent to these things.

And finally, Andrei Arshavin does not want your apples:

14. Andrey, do you need apples? We’ve harvested a lot of them this year!
My friends also have a lot of apples and they don’t take mine. But they are so tasty and sweet, especially “white juice”. It is a pity that they’ll go bad...
: I love apples, but on the other hand, I think there are many other deserving people who will accept your apples.

This will never get old. 

Photo: Getty Images

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