Dirty Tackle - World Soccer

Ahh, naive media pundits. The folks at Sports Illustrated recently linked to television ratings to trumpet the success of the Women's World Cup. Deadspin and KCKRS did slightly better, glancing at the Google traffic stats for "Hope Solo boyfriend" to evidence a recent spike in interest. Yet with serious financial issues facing the domestic female league in the US, can such barometers of passing fancy be mistaken for an anchor?

No. Of course not.

There can only be one true and conclusive piece of evidence that Women's soccer has forever entered the American sporting consciousness: the number of Facebook marriage proposals to USWNT substitute striker Alex Morgan in the last 72 hours.

Marriage is permanence, commitment, passion, endurance. Marriage is 'til death do us part. Only this enduring and symbolically important societal norm can forecast the future of female soccer. Now I know your first concern with this statistical analysis: would Morgan's glorious chipped goal to seal the win over France cause a rush of blood to young men's heads? Probably. Hence, we only counted marriage proposals starting last Thursday, the day following the game. Passions dimmed, and cooler heads prevailed. We assume.

Of course, in terms of statistical counting, a marriage proposal must involve a clear and explicit offer. We did not include any general "wish you were with me" facebook posts. We did include a Spanish-language offer, but were unable to translate the German posts. Thus, if anything, our final number of 27 may be lower than it should be. Due to logistical constraints, we only focused on a single Alex Morgan Facebook page. And sorry gents, I know the word "single" and "Alex Morgan" made your heart skip a beat. In fact she is attached. Making these 27 proposals all the more audacious.

And here they are, in all their glory...

Thus, as you can see, women's soccer has finally arrived in America. CASE CLOSED. Susan B. Anthony's ghost can stop stalking the Earth and ascend to Heaven. Feminists, time to find a hobby to fill all this new world-of-perfect-equality free time. These 27 fine young chaps show that the male sporting audience is without a doubt committed. And we can all look forward to a reality TV show involving this goalscoring striker if she ever reverts to bachelorette status.

Elliott blogs about soccer at Futfanatico.com

(Spotted by Tahir Duckett, older brother of Vancouver Whitecaps defender Bilal Duckett)

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