The Buffalo Bills have had a rough year.
Wait, go back: they’ve had a rough start to the year. The dust only recently settled on week 2 of the season and Buffalo has already taken more hits off the field than the Bills seem to deliver on it. See exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C …
Former Bills wide receiver Jordan Matthews is the latest consternation.
“When I was in Buffalo, there was like nothing to do there, except … have fun with your wife,” Matthews told reporters after signing Wednesday with the Philadelphia Eagles. “She got pregnant. So we always say we got a Buffalo baby. Ain’t nothing to do there, except each other.”
I don’t think you looked hard enough, Jordan.
Matthews played for the Eagles his first three seasons in the NFL with steady production. He averaged 75 catches for 891 yards and six touchdowns a season. He was traded to Buffalo, where he had 25 receptions for 282 yards and a touchdown, and was signed by New England but released last month with an injury settlement.
Matthews and his wife, Cheyna, welcomed a baby boy, Josiah, in August after tying the knot in June. The fifth-year player out of Vanderbilt hails from Huntsville, Alabama, where there’s even less to do than in Buffalo.
But let’s check in on the data.
According to the New York State Department of Health, Erie County — where Buffalo is the county seat — has a birth rate of 10.9 per 1,000, coming in slightly below New York’s overall rate of 12.0.
You want to really have nothing to do? Go up near North Country, which is basically Canada but the opposite of the way Buffalo is basically Canada. North Country is the Canada of expansive empty spaces. It’s up there where Jefferson County is cranking out babies with a birth rate of 17.9.
Maybe the Matthews went on vacation.
If you look at breakdowns by state, which is how it usually goes, New York doesn’t even rank in the top half of the country.
But hey, if you count it back it was winter. Buffalo gets windy and chilly and destroyed with snow (though not the most in the state …). We get it. You took “BuffaLove” seriously.
Bottom line: you could have just asked for recommendations. The nice people of B-Lo would have gladly helped you out. Maybe even served as a tour guide. Niagara Falls, art galleries, breweries, festivals, museums, restaurants. They seem to have it figured out. This is the city that crashes folding tables in their spare time, after all. Hopefully you at least enjoyed some Loganberry, pop and wings because now you have this to do:
“Every time I hold him too, he poops,” Matthews said. “They call me Poop Daddy. They’re holding him all day. The second I come home they’re like, ‘daddy come on.’ The second I hold him, he’s like (makes weird sound). They always hand him to me whenever he has to use the bathroom.”
And just know, your Buffalo baby has the Bills in his blood now. Prepare for the inevitable heartache.
More from Yahoo Sports:
• Meyer’s grim warning to NFL team about Aaron Hernandez
• School official sorry for racist remark about Texans QB
• New book claims Brady feels ‘trapped’ with Belichick
• Red Sox fans make problematic discovery