Real Couples Are Sharing The Exact Moment They Realized Their Relationship Was Over For Good, And I Wasn't Expecting Some Of These Responses
If you've ever been through a breakup, you may recall the exact moment when you knew things between you and your partner were officially over, whether you eventually initiated it or not.
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No matter how painful these moments can be, they often bring clarity on the relationship and why it's no longer working.
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Reddit user u/Nonchalant_Calypso asked the r/AskReddit community, "What was the moment you knew your relationship was over?" Here are some of the responses people put forth.
1."When I was going through a miscarriage and he couldn’t take me to the ER because he was in fantasy leagues and football was on."
2."When he proposed to me in front of a crowd of over 3,000 people at a job we BOTH worked at just two weeks after we had gotten into one of the worst fights we had ever had. What was the topic of the fight? He had joked about proposing, and I told him I didn’t feel ready to be married. The relationship lasted for about six months after that, but the ring never felt like anything more than a shackle."
3."I was going through a cancer scare. She didn’t come with me to any appointments because she didn’t want to miss class. She was my best friend and the only person in the city who I told about what was happening. She, however, told several of her friends and classmates and let the news spread through our program. She minimized everything, told me I was overreacting when I went to her for support, and told me I’d feel better if I just stopped touching the mass. When it came time to decide what to do when our lease ended, I chose to move home to be with my family. We broke it off, she moved out, and two days later, I was diagnosed with cancer."
"I know it sounds bad, but I’m better for having gone through it. I’ll always hold that cancer was one of the best things to happen to me."
4."You can see it in their eyes when they don't love you anymore. I'll never forget that feeling."
5."I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex girlfriend, I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her. I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot."
6."He stopped talking to me three days into a three-week holiday. I made the best of it. Once I was home, the silent treatment continued for another three weeks. He rolls over in bed one morning and started talking like nothing happened. I should have ended it long before, but THAT was the moment I knew it was over."
7."He had a canned drink and asked if anyone wanted any. I said, 'Yes, please' — and he poured it in the trash. Sounds minor, but this was the last thing after a lot of shit."
8."The day my mom passed away (the coroner hadn't even come for her body yet) with zero consideration of how I felt and what I was going through, my ex-fiancé thought it was a great idea and a good time to tell me he has been cheating on me for the last six years — and how sorry he was for it. He wasn't sorry he did it, but he was sorry because the other woman had lied to him about who she really was, and he wanted me to comfort him because he felt betrayed by her. When I promptly broke up with him, he asked, 'Wait, is this really goodbye?' How could you do this to me now?"
9."When I realized I dreaded Fridays, our standard date night, and saw it as something I needed to get past before I could start enjoying the weekend."
10."My ex and I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was going to see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him and just went home after work and went to bed. I woke up around 10 p.m. to get a glass of water and while I was in the kitchen, I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break-in, I was fucked. All of a sudden, he walks in, dragging a tipsy girl in behind him. I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked, too."
11."Found nude pictures of her and some other dude on the family camera. They were taken on our couch in our living room in our house."
12."When I broke my foot in the middle of the night while tending to our 5-year-old, and he could not be bothered to help me to the couch. My child helped me, then went to her bedroom and got two blankets and pillows — one for me and one for her — and slept on the floor next to me in case I needed help. Divorced him."
13."She poisoned my cat."
14."We were married for 21 years. The last ten were devoid of any love, warmth, or caring. I did not want to get divorced and figured this was just the way the rest of my life would be. We were taking our third shot at marriage counseling and after a few months, my wife says she has to quit counseling because she wants to attend a meditation class at the same time. She had something better to do than work on our marriage. That's when it hit me that she didn't care at all about our marriage, and I decided that I did not want that to be the rest of my life."
"We're currently 2 1/2 years into divorce. It's painful and expensive. But personally, I've never been happier. I am leading my best life. So, so glad I decided to move on."
15."Life was stagnant. We mutually called it quits after we had a talk, and it went better for both of us. We gave it the good ole college try — but we still grew apart."
16."When after seven years, and a particularly cold conversation, I said with tears in my eyes: 'I just want you to love me,' and she said, 'Well, I don't, and don't you feel pathetic for having to ask?"
17."Three weeks before we broke up, she described the kind of guy she would date if we broke up. She described her coworker, and I honestly thought they had hooked up by this point. To my delight, he was a good noodle and never wanted to be more than work friends with her. When he found out she left me to be with him, he reached out and told me he was sorry for everything even though it wasn't his fault. I told him I'm not holding anything against him, but thanked him for being a good person."
18."She told me that I had a choice. Either I completely cut ties with ALL of my family and ALL of my friends. Or I cut ties with her. That was when I decided that she had crossed a line that I wouldn't break. I'm very glad I dodged a bullet."
19."When she started treating me like shit for not doing what she wanted."
20."She had picked on me for months. Constantly criticizing everything. I couldn't do anything right. I tried. I kissed her ass and apologized for every single perceived wrongdoing. After months, I told her, calmly: "You're mean to me." She blew up. I left with my kids to my parents' house. I came back the next day she was gone. I haven't seen her since. And strangely, my anxiety is all but gone."
21."I would always be the one to initiate talking and taking part in activities together. I realized I was the only one putting effort in."
22."I hadn't slept in our bed for 18 months and asked, 'Don't you even miss me in here?' He said, 'No.'"
"I offered to sleep in the guest room due to my snoring. We never slept in the same bed again. I now know after therapy, I was immensely depressed and am much better at taking care of myself both physically and mentally. While the marriage didn't recover, we have two amazing kids and my headspace is much freer."
23."When even just asking to hang out felt like a chore. It just wasn’t worth it anymore."
24."I was engaged to my girlfriend of five years and I noticed that out of nowhere, she started acting very suspicious and more cautious of her phone around me. She was not wanting me to be around her when she was playing games with people on Discord, which I didn't really care about. I knew something was up when I would tell her I loved her and to have a good day when she would leave for work. She would just smile and nod. One day I was cleaning up around the house and noticed that she had left her computer open and saw some messages between her and a guy she plays games with talking about some things that I would rather not repeat."
"When I confronted her about it, I was gaslit and made out to be crazy. I knew then it was the beginning of the end. A year and a half later, I finally had enough evidence, and she admitted to cheating on me for a year and a half. This was six months before our wedding. I'm still not over it after a year and a half later, and I genuinely don't think I'll be able to trust the same again."
25."When I dreaded her name coming up on caller ID because I knew it was an argument about nothing."
26."I was lonely whilst being constantly with her. I just hadn't realized that we were living in two different worlds, had different friends and hobbies. All that kept us together was a force of habit. The feeling after the breakup, for me, was a removal of a suffocating feeling that I'd felt for many years. Truth be told, I wish I was brave and mature enough to have explored and addressed those feelings sooner. With loneliness and anxiety came unhealthy coping and avoidant behavior."
27."This was a long time ago, but I still remember it vividly: All of our friends were meeting up at a bar, but I had to work. I was able to get off and was at the bar with my friends. She and her friends showed up, and there was an unmistakable look of disappointment in her face when she saw I was there. That hurt."
28."Getting food poisoning a few months into COVID. I felt sick all afternoon, and she completely ignored me. I still made dinner and put the kids to bed...then had to run to the bathroom and proceed to projectile vomit. Her response was, 'Oh, you really are sick!' And that's when I saw that I wasn't crazy. So much of this relationship wasn't right — and that this person would leave me at death's doorstep."
29."The moment he 'accidentally' sent me a text that was supposedly meant for someone else, making plans to hook up at his house. My only response to that was, 'OK, be safe.' I added quotes because I suspected that he did this on purpose to try and get me to break up with him, expecting some sort of angry response from me. He didn't get that — although, I did get an earful from him a couple weeks down the line about how he 'never found me attractive physically or romantically.' To which I responded, 'OK' and never talked to him again."
30."When we were arguing for the umpteenth time, and I lost the will to continue. I usually begged her to stay but I just told her to go."
Was there a specific moment in your relationship when you knew things were over? If so, tell us what happened in the comments below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
