Look out Philly, there's a new driver on the road … or should we say, look out new driver, there's a Philly road.
Joel Embiid announced on his social media Tuesday night that he finally got his driver's license. The 26-year-old will be hitting the road for the first time …
After nine years in America, I FINALLY got my driver license— Joel "Do a 180" Embiid??? (@JoelEmbiid) June 16, 2020
… once he gets his car, of course.
I need car options any recommendations???— Joel "Do a 180" Embiid??? (@JoelEmbiid) June 17, 2020
While a car is clearly the most important element to driving, it's time to introduce Embiid to an advanced level of the road - Philly driving. Yes, it is different than other cities. No, not in a good way. If you're from the area, you know what we're talking about. It's terrible.
So, Embiid, here are a few things to be mindful of when driving in the City of Brotherly Love.
1. Potholes are the enemy, and there are a lot of them. Don't even think about turning onto smaller streets to try to avoid them, just about every single spot in the city looks like a mini meteor shower hit. If you do find a street without one though, let us know - because we won't believe you. Seeing is believing.
2. You know that little lever on the right of the steering wheel that lets you announce to other drivers you're making a turn? Why do that when you can have the element of surprise. Blinker, stinker - forget all about it. If you were on the court, you wouldn't announce to the opposing team what you were planning on doing to get past them, right? Same thing applies here.
3. Meet I-76, the real reasoning behind "Philadelphia 76ers." You'll be able to learn a lot about the history behind the infamous name when you're stuck in traffic for hours on end with no hope (or exits) in sight. If you're planning to get to a location that's one hour away, you'll probably arrive in a solid three hours at best - or later. You'll honestly never know.
4. Bike lanes are really just additional borders to the road. If you see a biker actually utilizing them, beep your horn - show them who's boss.
5. The PPA is the public's main enemy. There are no laws in South Philly when it comes to parking. Want to hold spaces in front of your home after shoveling them out in the snow? Try a lawn chair or perhaps a traffic cone if you want to look more official. There's no greater pressure than trying to parallel park in a mini spot with a six car pileup right behind you trying to pass. If you have the opportunity to sell your soul to have a reserved space, do it. Do it.
6. Philadelphia might be the City of Brotherly Love, but it is also the City of Road Rage (well, unofficially). If you can't beat them - and we promise, you can't - join them. Get ready to endure some of the most aggressive driving on the east coast - people will cut you off, not use their blinkers, swerve into other lanes to avoid potholes and beep their horns to show frustration of standstill traffic. If you don't flip off at least six people a day while driving, you can have your license revoked - yeah, that's in the fine print, you don't have to double check. And let's be honest - if someone in their car noticed that Joel "Do a 180" Embiid was flipping them off, they'd probably thank you for it.
So, there you have it - the basic rules of the road to get by in Philadelphia. Follow these and you'll *probably* get by.
(Please follow the actual rules of the road - if you're someone who doesn't use their blinker, just know that you're pure evil and we hope a horde of pigeons poop on your windshield.)
A Philly guide to driving for newly licensed Joel Embiid originally appeared on NBC Sports Philadelphia