People Are Revealing The Exact Reason Why They Don't Want To Have Kids, And This Is An Important Conversation

·9 min read

Given the recent news of the Supreme Court's leaked draft opinion overturning Roe v. Wade (which is subject to change before the final ruling), people across the internet have been talking not only about pro–abortion rights, but also their reason for not wanting children in the first place.

A person wearing glasses and looking out of a window
The Good Brigade / Via Getty Images

So when Reddit user u/AGstudios22 asked the r/AskReddit community: "What makes you not want to have kids?" over 28,000 people commented on the matter.

To help bring awareness to this topic, we rounded up some of their incredibly honest and heartfelt answers below.

Editor’s Note: BuzzFeed supports a person’s right to an abortion. If you, like us, feel impassioned about abortion rights, learn more or find a local fund to donate to here.

1."I can barely take care of myself. Sometimes it feels like I can’t possibly take on another human."

A person sitting on the kitchen counter
Justin Lambert / Via Getty Images

2."Honestly, I just loathe the idea of pregnancy or children. I think they would ruin my life, my body, my finances. I'd waste 21 years and come out haggard and broke and dead at the end of it all. I would hate that kid so fucking much for ruining my life. I know it wouldn't be their fault but I couldn't bring myself to like them if I was forced to have a child against my will. Of course that will never happen, and if it does, God help that child. I'd abort in Canada."

u/89412shinyempanadas

3."My mental health and financial situation. I wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way I was raised."

u/badasslexxc

4."It's irreversible. You can't un-have kids when you've committed to it, so when you have all those doubts and fears that you might not be a good parent, it's hard to take the plunge. Plus, I'd have to find someone to have a kid with and make more money for it to be viable, but I think they're secondary to actually wanting to go through with it."

A person looking at their cellphone
Maskot / Via Getty Images

5."Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers."

u/mikmikthegreat

6."I have bipolar disorder. I fully believe that if I had a child right now (23F), I might accidentally kill it. Not because of negligence, but because babies are incessant. They cry all the time, postpartum depression scares me. And at my worst, I am violent. I know who I am in this moment, and if I had a child constantly screaming with no solutions, I might cause SIDS. I can do upset and that’s not great for a child. I know I can change. And I have made great progress. But right now, no. I refuse to have a child. I've been in therapy for 14 years. That’s not enough time to heal."

u/overtly-Grrl

7."The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent — I don’t, so why would I have a kid?"

A person sitting on a park bench and holding a water bottle

u/pupsnpogonas

"As a child of a parent who didn’t actively want them, thank you for thinking about what this does to a kid."

u/fivefeetofawkward

Crispin La Valiente / Via Getty Images

8."I'd be a control freak out of fear. It's too much responsibility — plus, I hate crying."

u/Alphabater0441

9."I do not want to deal with pregnancy, I do not want my perineum cut open, I don't want to piss my pants for the rest of my life. I do not have the patience to be a good mother. I do not have the skills. I was horrifically abused as a child and then dumped in the foster care system. I never, ever had a sane and stable guardian, so what skills could I bring? Of course, most people's answer is that 'You figure it out,' but I am a twice-degreed social worker with extensive experience working with people who should not have been parents, and I can tell you that sometimes you do NOT figure it the fuck out."

u/AhFFSImTooOldForThis

10."Losing the rest of my youth in exchange for raising a child."

Two people hugging
Tom Werner / Via Getty Images

11."Not trusting myself enough that I'd be motivated enough to take care about them constantly and treat them the way they deserve!"

u/adidhadid

"This. Growing up, if my dad couldn't fix a problem by throwing money at it or using his hands, he usually made it worse. Mom ended up doing 99% of the actual parenting, and I grew up with low self-esteem, crippling depression, and terrible anxiety.

Dad's not a bad person. It's just that he wasn't equipped to be a parent when it wasn't fun for him."

u/whiteeyes32

12."I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Postpartum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids."

u/LillFluffPotato

13."It’s taken me 30 years to 'find myself.' When I imagine losing all of that identity and replacing it with a big MAMA BEAR sticker, my stomach turns. There are some aspects of having a kid that are appealing: they’ll adore me, they might end up loving all the same music/movies/hobbies as me, they’ll love and care for me when I’m old. But none of that is guaranteed and seems selfish and also not worth the gamble."

—u/internet_poser
Luis Alvarez / Via Getty Images

14."Seeing my family. This curse ends with me."

u/mlc2475

15."I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 years old, but acts like a 7-year-old nearly all the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again."

u/MajesticxFlan

"This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider."

u/VanessaClarkLove

16."Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever I want without worrying 'who's going to watch my kids?' or 'My kids are awake so I have to be awake' so I guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me."

—u/WhyAmIEvenHereJesus

u/WhyAmIEvenHereJesus

"Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything, but man do I fucking miss not having to plan anything. When you have kids, you find yourself not only planning their life but also things like all mealtimes, the timings of everything.

And then because you have such little time left, you end up having to plan your shit as well otherwise nothing gets sorted. It’s pretty fucking draining, TBH..."

u/NotForMeClive7787

Tim Robberts / Via Getty Images

17."I don't even want to exist, so why would I want to force someone else to exist? It just seems cruel to me."

u/sgtbradley

18."I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said, 'When you have kids?' (as opposed to 'if'). I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all, the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is incredibly intimidating."

u/Mwuuh

19."Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness."

—u/JamesBlonde21
Brizmaker / Via Getty Images/iStockphoto

20."From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. I rather save one of them than bring another kid into this wretched place."

u/Red_Archived_505

21."I'm a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily. The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtly about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, how there's no free time, etc. Then, they usually realize they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying, 'But it's the best thing I ever did.' This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth."

u/TheHawk17

22."Lack of sleep and the stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever."

u/Sserenityy

Relaxed woman sitting on the floor practicing meditation
Coroimage / Via Getty Images

23."I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet, and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture. I feel like my generation (early '90s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this."

u/AtasHRC

24."It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling."

u/cavemanfitz

25."Global warming/climate change. People will literally start fighting over water in the next 50 years. I'm from a developing country and the water/electricity/gas shortages here are insane. Even if I earn reasonably well, it's a long shot that I'll be able to buy my own home in my lifetime. The summers keep getting unbearably hotter, violence against women/never ending patriarchy and misogyny. If I have a daughter, this world will be a place for her to navigate safely rather than freely no matter how educated or capable she is."

u/allourwrongtodays49

person holding a sign about climate change
Vanessa Nunes / Via Getty Images/iStockphoto

26."Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault, but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems, etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are."

u/Sserenityy

Are you choosing not to have children? If yes, tell us why in the comments below.