Pelicans coach Monty Williams would ‘rather get a massage by a cat than’ join Twitter

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New Orleans Pelicans head coach Monty Williams recently accepted an invitation to serve as an assistant on Mike Krzyzewski's staff with the United States men's national basketball team, joining Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau alongside Syracuse's Jim Boeheim alongside Coach K on the USA Basketball bench for the next three seasons. In a press conference announcing his addition, Williams said he had to keep his inclusion hush-hush, telling only coaching mentors Gregg Popovich and Nate McMillan because he knew they'd "keep it quiet" in advance of the official unveiling.

"I couldn't tell any players because those guys do all that tweeting, and stuff like that," Williams said. "If I told those guys, they'd have it on ... TweetBook, or whatever. All that stuff they do. It's certainly not the way to keep a secret."

It's safe to say, then, that the ex-Hornets' bench boss isn't the biggest fan of social media. But just how much does he disdain the increasingly dominant form of public communication? Here's Williams responding to a Twitter-submitted inquiry during a Q&A session with's Jim Eichenhofer:

From @SonnieInkstar: Let the coach know that the fans are ready for him to get a 'Tweetbook' (Twitter) account.

Williams (smiles): I’d rather get a massage by a cat than to tweet. First of all, I don’t think anybody would listen to the things I have to say. Secondly, I just don’t have the time. If I’m tweeting, when I could be with my family instead… I can’t do that.

Williams said he understands that players like to use Twitter for self-promotion and for business purposes, but that he's already got enough on his plate running an NBA team; besides, he swears, "I'm too boring for all of that stuff."

That's probably true — while I have a lot of respect for Williams' talents as a defensive-minded head coach, I can't imagine him especially interesting in 140-character bursts. Plus, if you're starting from a position of not being very into participating, you're unlikely to really immerse yourself in Twitter's utility as both an information-gathering tool and a source of tiny little jokes. If Monty Williams doesn't want to use Twitter, that's fine by me.

But let's not just go around disparaging cat massages willy-nilly.

If you keep your kitty's claw-clip game right, that can make for some goooood kneadin', Coach. Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C (shouts to Jay Elec [remember him?]):

Exhibit D:

Exhibit E:

Exhibit F:

I will stop there — "F for Feline" seems like a natural stopping point — but I will note that I could go on, because the Internet, while frequently dark and full of terrors, is also full of videos of cats giving what sure seem to be very relaxing massages to four-legged creatures and bipeds alike. Like Twitter, they might not be for everyone, but like Twitter, perhaps Coach Williams shouldn't knock it 'til he tries it.

In conclusion: Meow-ssage.

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