Parenting is helping youth become their best selves
Life transitions can be a good time to check in on how we are doing as parents. Back to school is one of those important transition times of new beginnings.
There are all sorts of marketing gimmicks out there about which latest gadget is going to help your child the most in school. And though we know this deep down, here is a friendly reminder, your relationship with your child is the greatest influence in their development.
The Search Institute conducts research with families across the United States that helps young people be and become their best selves. They have found many people can have special kinds of “developmental relationships” with children and youth. However, mothers, fathers and other parenting adults have central and powerful relationships that typically begin before childbirth and continue throughout life.
According to a Search Institute study of more than 1,000 parenting adults of children ages 3 to 13, parents who have stronger relationships with their children are more likely to say their children:
Take personal responsibility for their actions
Are motivated to learn
Manage their emotions well
Experience fewer behavioral problems, such as throwing temper tantrums or fighting
Help other people
Are hopeful and have a sense of purpose
The Search Institute has identified key themes to establishing and maintaining relationships that help kids grow, learn and thrive. On their website, keepconnected.searchinstitute.org, they have amazing resources with very practical questions you can ask and activities you can do together as a family. Here are some of the keys they focus on:
Express Care - Show your child they matter to you. This includes being dependable, listening, believing in your child, being warm and encouraging. Some very practical ways of doing this include paying attention when your children or teens are talking about things that matter to them. Put away your cell phone. Also make time for lightness. Share in some humor, fun and laughter amid the practical tasks.
Challenge Growth - Push your child to keep getting better. This means you expect them to stretch and to live up to their potential. It also includes helping them learn from mistakes and setbacks and teaching them mistakes are a natural part of learning. Expect your children to do their best, even when doing something they don’t really like. Focus on the effort rather than the outcome. Praise your kids when they work hard, whether they succeed or fail.
Share Power - Treat your child with respect and give them a say. I think this can be a tough one to navigate well. Giving children choices is important but can honestly be overwhelming to them when there are too many choices too often. I like this suggestion. As children get older, begin to offer choices rather than always giving instructions. For example, ask them a question like “So, what could you do differently to tackle this problem?” Instead of telling them what we think they should do, let them think of good solutions. They may come up with something better than we were thinking as the parent.
It is easy to notice that our children grow and change, but we as parents are growing and changing as well. The challenge and opportunity is to work together to keep our relationships strong, flexible and resilient as each person grows and changes.
Today I’ll leave you with this quote from O. A. Battista: “The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.”
Emily Marrison is an OSU Extension Family & Consumer Sciences Educator and may be reached at 740-622-2265.
This article originally appeared on Coshocton Tribune: Parenting is helping youth become their best selves