November 04, 2011
Oh. My. Gawd.
As aficionados of nostalgic kitsch for both hockey and professional wrestling, the fact that this WWF Wrestling Superstars Shootout Table Top Hockey Game has escaped our gaze is inexplicable; nay, inexcusable.
It's made by Remco, and it's from around 1990. It's also absolutely the greatest thing we've seen this week that didn't involve a guy in Sweden getting punched in the face for hugging his opponent.
From what I can tell, the teams are Mr. Perfect, "The Model" Rick Martel, Big Bossman, Tugboat, Hulk Hogan and Jake "The Snake" Roberts (in goal) vs. Earthquake, Sgt. Slaughter, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and the Ultimate Warrior (in goal).
Clearly, you were able to move these players around the ice into different positions, and why not: You always have to be prepared for a heel turn.
It's not just that there are professional wrestlers in a slot hockey game; it's that they all have their own gimmicky sticks. Jake Roberts is using a snake. Hacksaw Jim Duggan has a 2-by-4. Tugboat has a mop. The Ultimate Warriors has a stick made to look like his arm tassels. (Alas, no Kobo B. Ware; probably because using the petrified remains of Frankie would have been in poor taste.)
The combination of this game existing, Florida Panthers beat writer George Richards hanging with Jimmy Hart and Sgt. Slaughter at the game and Hacksaw Paul Bissonnette vs. The Ultimate Derek Roy is probably more old school wrestling awesome than is legally allowed by law.
The steroid testing was apparently a little lax back then in table hockey.
s/t again to Aftermath, where we're still threatening to do a run-in if they'd just hit our damn theme music.