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Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.

Puck Headlines: Kesler’s naked; hockey writer eats column

Click here if you want to see the Full Ryan Kesler(notes) from the ESPN Body Issue, with the warning that it is somewhat NSFW and will make you feel horrible about that third slice of pizza last night. Harrison has more on the Vancouver Canucks bare-bottomed star on Pass It To Bulis, including the expected Photoshop whimsy.

• The Phoenix Coyotes signed Paul Bissonnette(notes) to a two-year contract extension. As per club policy, terms of the deal were not disclosed, although it's believe to be the first contract with a "panty soup" bonus clause. [Coyotes]

• Police seize $76,000 in counterfeit Winnipeg Jets jerseys. Police became suspicious when the jerseys were all found to have 2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs patches on them … [CBC]

The NBA's loss is the San Jose Sharks' gain according to one new fan: "But with the NBA canceling their preseason and less than a week from scrapping the first two weeks of the regular season, I'm thinking it may be time to finally throw myself 100% into learning about hockey and the Sharks." [SB Nation]

Sean Avery(notes) clears waivers for the New York Rangers, which is sort of expected when 29 other teams hate your guts (OK, 30 if you count John Tortorella). Now it's the AHL or a job overseas for Avery. [Blueshirt Banter]

• Avery has left the Rangers and returned back to NYC to drown his sorrows in designer pillows and Apple-tinis. [ESPN NY]

• With Marc Staal(notes) potentially on the shelf of a month, the Rangers have turned back to Paul Mara(notes) as a stop-gap. [NY Post]

• The New Jersey Devils name Zach Parise(notes) captain, thereby cementing him in the team's long-term plans because no one ever trades a guy they name captain. Except for Jamie Langenbrunner(notes) and the Devils. And Ilya Kovalchuk(notes) and the Thrashers. And … [Star Ledger]

Petr Sykora(notes) gets a one-year deal for the New Jersey Devils, who look like the smart pick to defend their 2000 Stanley Cup champion … oh, wait, 2011? Yikes. [Fire & Ice]

• Really, really nice pickup by the Montreal Canadiens in plucking Blair Betts(notes) off the waiver wire. As if the PK wasn't strong enough. [Gazette]

Chris Clark(notes) fails to earn a contract with the Boston Bruins despite an impressive camp. Bit of a surprise, this one. [Bruins Blog]

• EA Sports' simulation of the 2011-12 NHL season picks the Canucks for the Presidents' Trophy, Ovechkin for the Hart and the Pittsburgh Penguins over Vancouver Chicago for the Stanley Cup — with Sidney Crosby(notes). [EA Sports]

• The Colorado Avalanche placed defenseman Kyle Cumiskey(notes) (groin), forward Mark Olver(notes) (head) and forward Brandon Yip(notes) (arm) on injured reserve. [Avs]

Brandon Saad(notes), 18, makes the Chicago Blackhawks and plays on their top line with Toews and Sharp. [NHL.com]

Florida Panthers fans are giddy for Erik Gudbranson(notes) finally making the roster. Ah, if only defensive defensemen were Calder-eligible. [The Rat Trick]

• Bill Metzer with a really offbeat story about Sakic and Forsberg. No, the other Sakic and Forsberg. [NHL.com]

• Good to see the Buffalo Sabres are keeping things in perspective this season: "The Buffalo Sabres are encouraging fans to volunteer for an organized video shoot on Washington Street, outside of First Niagara Center on Monday, October 10 at 2:45 p.m. Washington Street will be closed to traffic between Scott Street and Perry Street at that time and fans can assemble at that location. The fans participating will march in a group down Washington Street towards the arena. The march, and participating fans, will be videotaped and the footage will be utilized for a Sabres video to be shown during a Sabres game at a later date."

• Are the Nashville Predators a surprise team in the West again? [On The Forecheck]

• Do the Boston Bruins have two No. 1 goalies? [ESPN Boston]

• The top 10 players who might be looking at the ends of their careers this season. Spoiler: There's a Red Wing at No. 1. [THN]

James Reimer's(notes) agent: "He knows it may be more difficult to remain the starting goaltender for the Toronto Maple Leafs then to steal the job like he did last year." Well, yeah. [Sun]

• Spector wonders about the leeway for Brendan Shanahan(notes). [Spector]

• After not playing together as a unit in the preseason, it appears the Washington Capitals' top line will end up being Alex Ovechkin(notes) with Nicklas Backstrom(notes) and Mike Knuble(notes) at the start. How did OB1-Knuble never catch on for this trio? [Capitals Insider]

• Looking at Sean Couturier(notes) of the Philadelphia Flyers and whether he's going to force them to keep him in the NHL. [Philly Sports Daily]

• My ugly mug and stupid voice on the Life in Hockeywood podcast. [LiH]

• Finally, last year Terry Jones of the Edmonton Sun said he would eat his column with sauerkraut, sour cream and bitter lemon at center ice if the Edmonton Oilers finished last in 2010-11. They did. And he's a man of his words. Well, at least until they pass through his digestive tract.

Puck Headlines: Kesler’s naked; hockey writer eats column

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