November 27, 2009
"Do you have a strange, pseudo-sexual devotion to a Russian professional athlete playing in your town or are you just happy to see me?"
Well, never let it be said the Capitals fans are ashamed to stand up and be counted, although clearly this "Rock the Red" thing has been taken to new heights. Perhaps the most surprising thing about these "Erection for Ovechkin" shirts is that they were available at Bleacher Shirts before Leonsis could trademark the term for his official team store ...
Alas, we were unable to locate any "Turgid for Turco" or "Engorged for Gorges" casual wear, but that isn't to say there aren't a ton of creative T-shirts floating around e-retailers onthe Web.
Here's a sampling of them in our unofficial Black Friday holiday hockey shirt buying guide, for the puckheads you love (or, of course, for yourself, you selfish jerk).
And here ... we ... go.
This Pavel Datsyuk shirt is perfect for the 100-point center in your life than can only get to 97. Cool design, with the faux Soviet propaganda look. Although the lack of the word "dangle" appearing anywhere on it is a Chris-Osgood-in-the-regular-season-sized letdown. [Café Press, $22]
There are a few Sean Avery "Avery Rules" tribute T-shirts out there, but this design is one of the most creative. Now you can wear the actual goalie interference rule that protects the Marty Brodeurs of the world from the pests. Finally, an Avery T-shirt that Gary Bettman can't swing the ban hammer to make disappear. Buy it now, or head to the sloppy secondhand store in a few years. [DecayNY, $21.99]
As the KB Store says: "Cam Neely. Great player, amazing actor. Does not like Ulf Samuelsson." We actually own one of these "Sea Bass" shirts, which are a tribute to Cam's incredible supporting role in "Dumb & Dumber." A much more subtle tribute than this shirt, although clearly not as gloriously red-necky. [Kurtentees, $24.99]
There was a mini-explosion of Patrick Kane gear after his incident with that cabbie forced him into court and into one of the most awkward Olympic apologies since Tonya Harding. But this 20-Cent baby jumper is not only adorable but offers hope that the Lil' Kaner will one day grow up to be four dimes, or maybe even three quarters. [Café Press, $12.50]
Throw this Milan Lucic shirt under a black jacket and it counts as formalwear at most Boston area fine dining establishments. Remember: They're not booing, they're Luuuuuuuching. [Zazzle, $21]
These shirts are available in plenty of e-retailer T-shirt shops, and for good reason: Few other shirts combine classic hockey iconography with tasteless juvenile humor ... which is to say that few shirts capture what makes hockey "hockey" as perfectly. Available in a vomit-inducing light green. [Café Press, $22]
One of our favorite hockey legends comes to life on this Buffalo Sabres ... er, "Katanas" shirt that celebrates the life of a player that never was. As the Sabres recalled on their Web site, Punch Imlach pulled a fast one back in the 1974 draft:
Bored, and exhausted with the tedium of looking at players that had a slim chance of ever making the roster, he decided to pull one of the more creative pranks in Sabres history. Sending a secretary to find some common Japanese names, Imlach soon came up with the imaginary Taro Tsujimoto of the Tokyo Katanas - literally translating to the Tokyo Sabres (Katana is a type of Japanese samurai sword).
Imlach 'fessed up near training camp that Taro didn't exist. This shirt is hockey fable bliss. [Twoeightnine, $25]
"It's not so much me as it is Roenick...he's good." This Jeremy Roenick shirt serves as a tribute both to his video game dominance but to his legacy in the movie "Swingers." So yeah, it's a conversation piece. Perfect for those occasions when you use the deke move to score 27 goals against someone who doesn't know how to control the goalie, making him throw the controller at a pile of empty beer cans. [Muse, $27]
This is obviously just a small sample of the hockey shirts floating out there. If you know of other clever ones, hit us at firstname.lastname@example.org or toss them into the comments below. We'll probably have another round of these closer to the Christmas.