March 09, 2009
Please recall the story of the Zamboni driver who was caught resurfacing the ice after driving erratically and crashing into the boards before slumping over the steering wheel. Let's hope that that woman from Kingsville, Ontario does not come upon the following listing currently available on eBay:
Custom Zamboni - Hockey Hot Rod - Dragster
This is not your granny's Zamboni. This thrill-show veteran has had some cosmetic surgery. After twenty-five years of cruising hockey rinks it now specializes in burn-outs and beach parties. Looks like a regular Zamboni until you pull the party starter. Then the lid raises up over the chip bin exposing a full tiki bar, grass skirts, bamboo mats, tiki dolls, exotic cocktails, disco lamps and a huge 454 c.i. Big Block Chevy to move it along.
This is the perfect point of sale promotional device for any hockey related business. Draws a crowd wherever it goes. Machine has tear-aways and props to make the transition from cold and gloomy, to hot and happy. Ice scraper and heating equipment has been removed. Professional quality fabrication, engine swap and paint throughout. Starts east, runs strong, ready to go. Tiki bar ladies not included.
I would throw in my yearly salary of Yahoo! T-shirts on top of a winning bid if tiki bar ladies were included.
Summer is just around the corner, and a fully-stocked custom Zamboni, which "specializes in burn-outs and beach parties," should be high on the list of things on which to spend your tax refund. Your 401K plan won't help you pick up chicks like the "Funny Boni" will.
If the National Hockey League ever decides to have a Winter Classic in a warm weather city, I fully expect to see an army of these bad boys patrolling the rink inside and outside the venue, catering to the party-like atmosphere in the crowd. Picture Gary Bettman in a Hawaiian shirt -- outside of the Rose Bowl, with a lei around his neck and a Shirley Temple in his hand -- schmoozing potential sponsors about coming on board to sponsor the 2020 NHL All-Star Game voting ... which by then will be done via government census, to assure accuracy and to keep any undeserving Montreal Canadiens out of the festivities.
Bidding is currently at $1,575 (reserve not met) and the auction will end on Wednesday. Happy bidding and if one of you, our little Puck Daddy Urban Achievers, happens to take home this gift from the heavens, we want to be invited to the first big blowout.
To see the "Funny Boni" in action, check out this video that features real live tiki girls.