October 19, 2009
On Nov. 1, Brett Favre(notes) will return to Green Bay for his first away game against the Packers, and the mayor of Green Bay is looking for a way to welcome him. He's asking fans to send in ideas, and he'll pick his favorite four on Oct. 28.
One gentleman has already suggested making the world's largest waffle in the shape of a "4." I like that idea, and I humbly offer seven of my own below. The mayor has asked that the ideas be "respectful" and "tasteful," but I think some of these might fall short of that. Sorry, mayor.
• Turn this T-shirt into a billboard, placing one at every major entryway into Lambeau Field
• Wrangler jeans are declared illegal in the state of Wisconsin.
• Remember the goat that was painted like Brett Favre and locked in the trunk of some lady's car? Find it, dye it greener than a Chia Pet, put it in a customized goat-cut Aaron Rodgers(notes) jersey, and have it on the sidelines for the game. Also, if we could do this without it being considered cruelty to animals, feed it Taco Bell and Ex-Lax all day, while lining its cage with pictures of Favre's face.
• Burn Brett Favre's Steakhouse to the ground. Locals can throw their own Favre merchandise into the special fire for $1 an item. All proceeds benefit the local fire department.
• Declare the Thursday before the game "Brett Favre Day," where everyone in Green Bay is encouraged to tell lies all day, quit their jobs, and then show up at their jobs on Friday like nothing ever happened. Also, between the hours of 2 p.m. and 4 p.m., it would be perfectly legal to stab a resident of Green Bay, so long as they're stabbed in the back with a purple knife.
• Offer Eric Mangini $1 million to change his son's middle name to "Aaron."
Submit your own ideas here at the mayor's website, or in the comments below.
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