Minnesota Viking defensive end Jared Allen(notes), perhaps the world's foremost proponent of the mullet, is abandoning the lifestyle for his future wife. It's a lifestyle to which he seemed to have committed to just a few months ago.
Now he's turning his back on it. He is no longer obligated to have the extra mayonnaise.
Allen is set to be wed soon, and if you were concerned that the institution of marriage would suck the personality, masculinity and freedom right out of him ... yeah, it looks like you were right. It's the wedding that's forcing him to axe the neckwarmer.
“The things men do for love,” Allen said.
Oh, it starts with the mullet. Next thing you know, you have to throw out your favorite old Skynyrd T-shirt with the holes in the armpits, then you start carrying a man-purse and it's all over.
Here's the sad end result. Notice the tragic spot-shadows, where there used to be a flowing par(r)ty of manliness, and now sits empty.
I offer my congratulations on the wedding, a fond goodbye to the mullet, and a warning of the slippery slope ahead. Stay strong, man.
Posted Jul 2 2012
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