November 04, 2008
There aren't a lot of places in the civilized world more disgusting than a public bathroom at an NFL stadium. You get 80,000 people together, many of them drunk, and have them share about 12 bathrooms, and you've got some major disgustingness on your hands. This is a fact of life with which every sports fan in America is familiar.
The smell alone is awful. You could make urinal cakes entirely out of Coolwater cologne and raspberries, and you're still not going to overpower the stench of urine in these places. It will be a minor miracle if you make the trip in and out of the bathroom without stepping in floor urine. And if you have to venture into one of the stalls, there's no telling what you might see.
Basically, what I'm telling you is this: the public bathrooms at an NFL stadium are no place for lovemaking.
A couple of Bills fans did not get this memo. From the Buffalo News:
The call came out early in the third quarter Sunday to investigate numerous complaints of a commotion in a ladies’ restroom across from Section 336 in Ralph Wilson Stadium.
It didn’t take security officers long to figure out the cause of what police later called a “public disturbance” in the restroom.
A woman, law enforcement officials said Monday, was having sex with her boyfriend in a bathroom stall.
The couple was arrested, two of 37 people arrested at the stadium by Orchard Park police and Erie County sheriff’s deputies before, during and after Sunday’s Bills-Jets game.
Police charged Alicia A. Venneman, 29, of Northville, in the southern Adirondacks, with disorderly conduct.
They also charged a man whom police identified as her boyfriend, Jeramy H. Kemper, 31, of Mayfield, with trespassing and resisting arrest.
That's gotta be a hard one to explain to the parents. Imagine being Mr. and Mrs. Venneman and waking up and opening your newspaper on this glorious Tuesday morning.
"Awwww, honey, look! Our little girl is in the newspaper!"
"Really? That's great! What did she do?"
"Well, let's see here ... Bills game ... Ralph Wilson Stadium ... public disturbance? Oh God ... Oh, Bill, you don't want to know."
"Just tell me!"
"Our little ray of sunshine was arrested for fornicating in a filthy bathroom stall at a Bills game."
And from there, my guess is that Mr. Venneman did have a good day at work.
Gracias, Sports by Brooks.
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