NFL Fun Power Rankings, week 13: Texans and Cowboys gallop into top 10 with impressive wins

Welcome back to the NFL Fun Power Rankings, where we value excitement and intrigue over wins and losses. This list is all about working out which NFL teams are worthy of your busy eyes, and which deserve to be rolled up in a carpet, set on fire, loaded into a big rocket and blasted off into the sun.

Whisper it, but week 13 wasn't a great week for some of the league's top quarterbacks. Aaron Rodgers was ineffective in a defeat to the Cardinals, Kirk Cousins was poor against the Patriots, Cam Newton was picked off four times by the Buccaneers, Andrew Luck couldn't score a single point against the Jaguars and even Drew Brees struggled against the Cowboys.

It was, however, a great week for big men scoring touchdowns (props to Taylor Decker and Akiem Hicks), and an even better one for Texas - the Cowboys and Texans have both surged into the top 10 for the first time this season with impressive wins.

Here's how we're looking with just four weeks left in the regular season...

32. New York Jets (-)

Todd Bowles was absolutely fuming after the Jets' 26-22 defeat to the Titans on Sunday. "We played the same way the whole day, and just dumb mistakes at dumb times cost us ballgames," he told reporters. You got that right, Todd, but a lot of those dumb mistakes can be put down to a clueless coaching staff which has turned this team into the most frustrating and least enjoyable to watch in the NFL. The offense is dire, the defense can't get to the quarterback and it feels like there's a penalty every other play. There's so much work to be done in New York, and it needs to be done with a new man at the helm.

31. Oakland Raiders (-)

The Raiders did a nice job hanging with the Chiefs until the fourth quarter, and even briefly flirted with a comeback, but we're not here to hand out lollipops and little gold stars. Still, this was Oakland's best performance in weeks, and the fans may even have enjoyed it a little had it not ended in defeat to their bitter rivals. Jared Cook continues to be the star of this offense - he's one guy Jon Gruden needs to keep in the building throughout this rebuild.

30. Miami Dolphins (-)

It's wild to me that the Dolphins don't use Kenyan Drake more. He and Kenny Stills are the most explosive players on this offense by a distance, and yet Adam Gase is so reticent to put the ball in their hands. They each scored a touchdown in Miami's win over the Bills, but neither touched the ball more than nine times. I'm more convinced the Dolphins need to part with Gase to be a relevant team again with every passing week.

29. Arizona Cardinals (-)

That's not one Josh Rosen will forget in a hurry. Whatever happens in his NFL career, he's now always be able to say he once beat Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau Field. I think I'd probably just retire now, but that's why I live alone with a cat in a flat and write articles for a living instead of being a starting NFL quarterback. The Cardinals are starting to show a few signs of life, which may just be enough to keep Steve Wilks his job for next season. He'll probably need at least one more win, though.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars (-)

The Jaguars' famous defense has finally arrived at the party! Unfortunately it's months too late, everyone left ages ago, the booze has all been poured down the sink and the cigarette butts hoovered off the floors, but at least they can say they tried! Unfortunately for all of us, the Jags' efforts came at the expense of the actually-fun-to-watch Colts, but it'd be unfair to hold that against Jacksonville. I'll hold their Monday of an offense (Mondays are tiresome and boring - this is a sick burn!) against them instead.

27. San Francisco 49ers (-)

Nick Mullens completed almost three times as many passes as Russell Wilson and threw for 414 yards, but the 49ers looked several classes below the Seahawks. Dante Pettis was the standout guy, finishing the day with five catches for 129 yards and two touchdowns, and you have to hand it to Kyle Shanahan for being able to draw offense out of an untried third-string quarterback, but ultimately the Niners still have a lot of work to do to challenge in the NFC West next tear.

26. Buffalo Bills (-)

Only Phillip Lindsay had more rushing yards in week 13 than Josh Allen (135). Yes, that means Allen outrushed Todd Gurley, Saquon Barkley, Ezekiel Elliott and Christian McCaffery. He also threw two touchdown passes to Zay Jones, who is the only receiver in Buffalo worth keeping around next season.

25. Washington Redskins (-)

I feel very bad for Alex Smith and Colt McCoy, who became the second Redskins quarterback to break his leg in two weeks in Monday night's defeat to the Eagles, but you have to feel this might just be the universe dishing out a little karma for so hastily picking up Ruben Foster after his domestic violence allegations, dontcha think? Adrian Peterson's 90-yard touchdown run spared what was otherwise a nightmare day for Washington, who only have Mark Sanchez, signed off the street last week, left active in their quarterback room.

24. Cincinnati Bengals (down 2)

Jeff Driskel makes the Bengals a tiny bit more exciting than they were with Andy Dalton under centre, but I'd still be very happy to ignore this team's existence for as long as Marvin Lewis remains head coach. He's reportedly on the hot seat, but I'm sure Cincinnati will find some vacuous explanation to justify keeping him on another year, because that's just what they do.

23. Detroit Lions (up 1)

Levine Toilolo's receiving stats this season, in yards, before Sunday were as follows: 7, 12, 0, 12, 16, 13. That's pretty much the story of his entire six-year career, in fact, and yet against the Rams he went off for 90 yards and was one of the reasons Detroit were able to stay competitive until the fourth quarter. Matthew Stafford's one touchdown pass on the day was to none other than offensive lineman Taylor Decker, who launched the ball into the crowd, before begging for the lucky fan who caught it to return it to him on Twitter later that night - it was the big man's first ever touchdown in a lifetime of playing the game. The latest news is that the fan has got in touch and is happy to oblige - I'm sure he'll be handsomely rewarded. 

22. Tennessee Titans (down 1)

The Titans continue to make absolutely no sense, but they're not even unpredictable in a fun way. Every time I watch the Titans I end up with achy shoulders from shrugging so much. They were very lucky not to lose to the Jets - yes, those Jets - on Sunday, and keep eroding any good will they gain from their gritty, hard-fought wins over genuinely good teams by laying giant, rotten eggs against teams who have fielded, as far as I can tell, plastic bags filled with human waste instead of football players. 

21. Atlanta Falcons (down 2)

The Falcons have now failed to score 20 points in each of their last four games. In the last two Tevin Coleman, their feature back with Devonta Freeman out injured, has 14 total rushing yards. Austin Hooper was their leading receiver against Baltimore with 44 yards from five catches. Tell me again how the Falcons are being hamstrung by their poor defense and would be in the playoffs if it weren't for injuries. Nah.

20. Philadelphia Eagles (-)

The Eagles finally worked out how to use Golden Tate on Monday night. The veteran slot receiver caught seven passes for 85 yards and a touchdown against the Redskins, in a win that puts Philadelphia right back in the hunt for an NFC wild card spot. Josh Adams was the other big positive. The Eagles' running game has been inconsistent without Jay Ajayi, but Adams' 20 carries for 85 ground Washington down before Nathan Gerry's interception iced the game in the fourth quarter.

19. Green Bay Packers (down 2)

Me: It's wrong to ever cheer someone getting fired. These are people's real jobs and real lives we're talking about. Also me: YESSSSS MIKE MCCARTHY IS GONE HE'S FINALLY GONE AND AARON RODGERS IS FREEEEEEEEEEEEE! It's important not to forget all the brilliant times McCarthy gave Packers fans, but it's time for some new blood, and a coach who's willing to scheme properly for their mercurial quarterback's outstanding talent - before it's too late. If you'd asked the Lambeau crowd before the game whether they'd have taken a first home loss against the Cardinals since 1949 to force the change, I think they would have reluctantly accepted.

18. New York Giants (up 5)

Things I loved about the Giants' performance on Sunday: Odell Beckham throwing his second touchdown pass of the season, Pat Shurmur designing a play that left OBJ wide open on a fourth-and-goal attempt for another touchdown, Saquon Barkley (evergreen comment), Alec Ogeltree's pick six, the defense's hustle in overtime, that they actually won a football game. This was the most fun I've had watching the Giants all season, and I'm glad they're finally making use of their talents - it would have been depressing to see this outfit end the season with three or four wins.

17. Denver Broncos (up 1)

I'm going to use this space to rave solely about Phillip Lindsay this week. I know I've done that before, but he deserves it again. The undrafted rookie (had you heard Lindsay was undrafted?! Had you?!) rushed for 157 yards and two touchdowns against the Bengals, at an average of 8.2 per carry. He has 937 rushing yards on the season, behind just Todd Gurley, Ezekiel Elliott and Saquon Barkley, and his 6.1-yard average is more than any other back in the league. Lindsay is on track to break Dominic Rhodes' record for the most rushing yards for an undrafted player in their rookie season, and could be a star for the next decade. One hell of a player.

16. Carolina Panthers (down 5)

Remember those big plastic charity bucket things you used to find in public swimming pools and the like? The ones where you'd put a 2p in through a little slot and it'd go round and round in spirals before dropping down a hole in the middle? You remember those? Yeah, that's the Carolina Panthers' season. This offense is still one of the most pleasing on the eye when it's rolling, but the defense has turned very ugly, and it's making the Panthers too frustrating to really enjoy. You have to feel bad for Christian McCaffrey, who's playing lights out but keep ending up on the losing side.

15. Minnesota Vikings (down 5)

This is a big drop for the Vikings, but the offense was awful against the Patriots on Sunday. Kirk Cousins made bad decision after bad decision and played miles too conservatively. His 201 passing yards were the fewest in the Super Bowl era for a quarterback with more than 30 completions. No receiver had more than 50 yards, despite this group being one of the NFL's best, and even Dalvin Cook's re-emergence couldn't salvage the Vikings from a dismal defeat, nor me from by slumber every time their offense got the ball. 

14. Baltimore Ravens (up 1)

Lamar Jackson is three-for-three an an NFL starter, and has a rushing touchdown in each of those games. The Ravens have transformed into a totally different offense with Jackson and Gus Edwards in the backfield, but it's a transformation which is winning them games and making them eminently more watchable. The bubble will burst at some point, but right now Baltimore should be trying to ride this wave into January. Could we see Joe Flacco shipped elsewhere in the offseason?

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-)

At 5-7 the Bucs are now ahead of the Falcons and only one game back on the Panthers - second place in the uber-competitive NFC South is a real possibility. Sunday's win was their most complete of the season, their defense picked off Cam Newton four - count them, four - times, and managed to convert those turnovers into points. Jameis Winston stayed clean for the second straight week and also hurt the Carolina defense with his legs. Chris Godwin was a monster in the receiving game and Jason Pierre-Paul was back to his destructive best. Good job, Tampa Bay.

12. New England Patriots (down 3)

It feels very harsh to drop the Pats three places after an impressive win over the Vikings, but look at each one of the teams above them and tell me they aren't all more interesting to watch. I'm not afraid to say the Patriots are victims of their own success in this sense - we all expect them to play well and win games, and to be honest we've seen far more exciting Pats teams over the past decade than this one. Still, Josh Gordon has been an excellent addition - he scored again on Sunday - and the importance of Julian Edelman's return cannot be overstated.

11. Seattle Seahawks (up 1)

Russell Wilson only needed to complete 11 passes for the Seahawks to put up 43 points on the 49ers. Four of those passes were for touchdowns, which means more than one in every three successful strikes finished up in the end zone. Silly behaviour, really. On the other side of the ball, Bobby Wagner has been unquestionably the league's best middle linebacker this season. He had 12 tackles, a sack and a 98-yard pick six this week, a performance worth writing home about, even for a player so consistently elite.

10. Houston Texans (up 6)

The Texans made Baker Mayfield look like a rookie in the first half, shaking him up and picking him off three times as they jumped out 23-0, before easing off the gas and cruising home to a ninth straight victory. At 9-3 Houston are now parked in a very plush-looking garage (yep, I'm going to keep rolling with this car metaphor) and could be accelerating towards a first-round bye in the AFC. 13-3 isn't out of the question with the Texans' remaining schedule, but they haven't played one of the NFL's truly top teams since week one against the Patriots. They'll either get found out in January, or we'll discover they're far better than anyone ever realised.

9. Dallas Cowboys (up 5)

Not to go all hipster on you, but Cowboys 13 Saints 10 last Thursday was just as enjoyable as Rams 54 Chiefs 51 the Monday before. I laughed at everyone saying that when I woke up and checked Twitter on Friday morning. So pretentious, I thought, but then I turned on Game Pass and didn't breathe for the next two hours. The Cowboys' defensive performance was about as brilliant as you'll ever see. Every time the Saints threatened to come back and take over the game they pulled another incredible trick out of the bag. For the first time in a couple of years I'm genuinely excited to watch Dallas play this weekend, and not just because of Ezekiel Elliott. Don't ruin this for me now, Jason.

8. Cleveland Browns (down 1)

The Texans brought the Browns crashing back down to earth after a nice little stretch, but I still liked how Baker Mayfield bounced back in that game, and I still feel positive about where this team is headed. It's hard not to root for Cleveland this season, and most fans would agree they're one of the league's most intriguing teams to watch. Antonio Callaway (three receptions for 84 yards) had a nice game on Sunday - what a boost it'd be for the Browns if he came good.

7. Indianapolis Colts (down 3)

I've accidentally fallen for the Colts this season, and so now inevitably, with the season getting serious, they've decided to start disappointing me! My actual team does that plenty well enough, thank you very much! The Colts posted a big, fat bagel against the Jaguars, and Andrew Luck really struggled to move the ball all day. After eight straight games with three or more touchdowns this was a pretty humbling way to end the streak.

6. Chicago Bears (-)

The best way Mitchell Trubisky could have shown his value to his non-believers was to get injured. The Bears would have beaten the Giants if Trubs was under centre on Sunday, and while he's far from Patrick Mahomes or Jared Goff's stratospheric levels in the hot young quarterback universe he is underrated and a little underappreciated outside of Chicago. Despite the defeat the Bears gave us plenty to get excited about this week, not least Tarik Cohen's game-tying 'Philly Special' touchdown pass and defensive end Akiem Hicks' rushing score. That Cohen pass, by the way? He was popped the ball by none other than Trey Burton, who threw the original 'Philly Special' in the Super Bowl. Nice touch.

5. Los Angeles Chargers (up 3)

The Chargers, ahem, charge into the top five for the first time this season with a really impressive win over the Steelers at Heinz Field. Justin Jackson's long touchdown run helped ease the pain of being without Melvin Gordon for such a key game, but it was Keenan Allen who really stepped up in his absence. Allen caught for 148 yards and a smartly grabbed touchdown before the game descended into farce in the closing seconds. The Steelers were twice called for jumping over the line of scrimmage as Michael Badgley attempted the game-winning field goal, before he nailed the third with the Benny Hill theme tune ringing around Pittsburgh.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (-)

The Steelers have to be getting a little worried about James Conner. After blowing up early in the season he's been largely shut down in each of the last four games - ironically, that coincides with Le'Veon Bell's no show which took him off the roster for good. Pittsburgh can't afford for Conner to be burnt out. Antonio Brown did his best to beat the Chargers on his own, finishing with 10 catches for 154 yards and a score - more than half of Big Ben's total - but the Steelers now look likely to be playing away from home in January with a really tough end to their schedule.

3. Los Angeles Rams (-)

The Rams toyed with the Lions as a real-life lion would a real-life Ram, before two Todd Gurley touchdowns sealed the deal in the fourth quarter. He had 132 more yards to add to what's becoming a frankly outrageous season, but that shouldn't outshine Brandin Cooks' big achievement on the day. His 62 yards meant he's recorded more than 1,000 yards in three straight seasons with three separate teams. Both the Patriots and Saints could really do with him this season, but their loss is Los Angeles' gain.

2. New Orleans Saints (down 1)

If you'd approached me last Thursday afternoon and bet me the Saints wouldn't score more than 10 points against the Cowboys you'd be very, very rich by now. Well, not that rich, because you could only win the amount of money I have in my bank, but you get my point. Dallas shut down every aspect of the Saints' offense, and yet I don't think they'll be too worried - the Cowboys defense played out of their minds and Drew Brees had an off day. They have the Bucs next, a perfect opportunity to bounce back.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (up 1)

The Kansas City Chiefs are back on top! They may have (rightly) cut one of their best offensive weapons on Friday, but the Chiefs were still able to put up 40 points two days later - against the Raiders, it must be said. Kareem Hunt's absence may cause Andy Reid to be even more inventive with his play calling. Patrick Mahomes' four-touchdown performance means he now needs 15 in his last four games to surpass Peyton Manning's all-time NFL record of 55 over the regular season - a tough ask, but absolutely within his grasp.