RIO DE JANEIRO – As fans begin flocking to Rio for the 2016 Summer Olympics (assuming they aren’t scared off by the insect plague crime-wave apocalypse that’s allegedly happening here), they’re going to want to get their hands on the hottest items at the official gear store.
Or, in this case, get their hands in them.
Because they’re giant inflatable mascot arms, you see.
These are Mamuzela do Vimicius, a.k.a. Vimicius’ Mamuzela.
“Vimicius,” for the uninitiated, is the official mascot of Rio 2016 who resembles a genetic splice of Finn and Jake from “Adventure Time.” This creature is described as “a mixture of all Brazilian animals” and also has all of their abilities, in case you ever fantasized about a capybara that could choke you like an anaconda.
“Mamuzela,” as far as we can tell, is a made-up word meant to evoke “manos” and “vuvuzela.” We think.
There does appear to be a Portuguese word “do,” which means “of.”
Anyhoo, these are basically giant Thunderstix that you wear on your hands and smack together for noise and probably clap over your friend’s ears for fun.
You blow them up like swimming pool floaties …
… and then the fun begins.
These cost 75 Real, or around $23 US. Their entertainment value, of course, is priceless, provided you can find someone wearing giant Incredible Hulk hands to have an epic battle.
But please: Just like when someone gifts you a Mogwai, be sure to follow the instructions:
“FOR AMPLIFICATION OF GESTURES ONLY! AVOID MAKING PRESSURE ON THE PRODUCT! DO NOT FEED MAMUZELA DO VIMICIUS AFTER MIDNIGHT!!!!”