Rating the items in Riley Curry's giant playhouse on a scale of 1 to Fun

Ball Don't Lie

NBA MVP Stephen Curry, his wife Ayesha, and their daughters Riley and Ryan have quickly become basketball’s most visible family. While the attention hasn’t always been positive, the Currys have welcomed their status as celebrities. In addition to Steph’s prowess as a basketball star and pitchman, Ayesha has a television show and growing lifestyle brand. Riley is not exactly a child star, but she’s the most popular NBA child by some distance and a subject of plenty of internet and news stories. (Ryan is a little more than a year old and at this point in life mostly seems focused on running around.)

Being that famous has its perks. For instance, when the TLC’s “Playhouse Masters” needed a participant to drum up publicity for the new series, they turned to Riley and her family for some help. The upshot is that Riley Curry has a new pony-themed playhouse that is bigger than many houses. Watch the clip of the big reveal here, and take a look at this beautiful exterior:

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Wow, that is definitely a playhouse built by masters of the craft. It’s hard to say what it costs, but it would certainly fetch a fair price as a primary residence in many of the Bay Area towns near the Oakland-based Warriors. This playhouse is in Charlotte, but maybe the Currys can get another one built and rent it out for extra income.

Yet the important question is not if this playhouse is amazing, because it obviously is. Rather, the issue is if it would actually be any fun to play in. To determine this point, I have ranked several items in the playhouse on a scientific scale of 1 to Fun. Please enjoy.

Wearing the Same Clothes As Your Mom and Sister: 1

Stephen Curry did not want to wear the dress, apparently. (via TLC)
Stephen Curry did not want to wear the dress, apparently. (via TLC)

Wearing a dress is technically not a feature of a playhouse, but when I watched this video I could not help but focus on the fact that Ayesha, Riley, and Ryan are all wearing the same outfit. I can only assume that Ayesha wanted to make sure everyone was coordinated for a TV appearance, which makes a certain amount of sense. But a playhouse is for fun, and wearing the same clothes as your mom and dorky little sister is definitely not that.

I would have given this item a zero had I not arbitrarily chosen to start this scale at 1.

A Couch: 3

Who doesn’t love a good sit? (via TLC)
Who doesn’t love a good sit? (via TLC)

A couch is more an accessory to fun than part of the fun itself, but it is nonetheless an essential part of the playhouse. Running and jumping for hours on end takes a lot of energy, and it’s important to have a nice comfy place to sit on hand when necessary. The couch serves that function without detracting from the overall feel of the playhouse.

Plus, kids can find fun in unexpected places. My 20-month-old niece loves few things more than when she sits with her family. Maybe that’s not capital-f FUN, but she smiles every time.

A ladder: FUN

Time to climb! (via TLC)
Time to climb! (via TLC)

Forget that ladders are common in barns and stables. This ladder could go from anywhere to anything and a four-year-old would enjoy it. “Playhouse Masters” could change its name to “Ladder Masters” and still excite children all over the country. Kids love climbing, and these people know it.

A Stuffed Pony in a Stable: Fun

We are all trapped in stables of our own making! (via TLC)
We are all trapped in stables of our own making! (via TLC)

Riley’s playhouse has plenty of ponies for her to play with, but this seems like the only one that could serve as a friend and companion. A kid needs someone to talk to, and there seems no better option than a plush stuffed animal that lives in the playhouse itself. It’s easy to imagine Riley coming up to the horse — let’s call it Sheila — after a tough day at school and really opening up about her life. Or, if things are going well, she can just babble to it until they both fall asleep.

A Rocking Horse: 4

The kind of toy that looks best on Pinterest. (via TLC)
The kind of toy that looks best on Pinterest. (via TLC)

Riley seems really excited about this toy — a rocking horsey, as she puts it — but it’s hard to imagine her enjoying such an old-fashioned toy for long periods of time. This is the kind of thing that a parent gives to a child because it looks good on social media, not because it’s actually enjoyable. She will tire of it within days.

A Creepy Stuffed Pony Ballerina: No Rating Given

This doll will haunt my dreams! (via TLC)
This doll will haunt my dreams! (via TLC)

Riley calls this thing “a dolly,” but that is not nearly specific enough to describe whatever is going on here. How is a horse supposed to do ballet? Why is it doing ballet at all? Shouldn’t the ballet slippers be horseshoes?

I refuse to rate this item on the grounds that I do not understand it.

A Ball Pit: Oh My God So Fun!!!!

Riley, like all of us, loves to jump. (via TLC)
Riley, like all of us, loves to jump. (via TLC)

The ball pit is so fun that even Stephen Curry, a 27-year-old adult, cannot help but play in it for the majority of this relatively short video. I was an odd child who preferred reading books to playing outside, and even I thought ball pits were amazing.

The ball pit is so great that it transcends the playhouse designer’s claims that it is supposed to fit in with the pony theme by resembling a water trough. You can just call it a ball pit, playhouse designers. None of us care. We just want to jump.

A Slide: This Is So Much Fun!!!!!

We all love slides, Riley. It’s not nice to gloat. (via TLC)
We all love slides, Riley. It’s not nice to gloat. (via TLC)

This clip does not show where the slide goes. It does not matter, though, because it is always fun to go down a slide. Having a personal slide in your very own playhouse is just too much fun to process.

Plus, the slide basically creates a circuit of fun. Riley can jump into the ball pit, climb up the ladder, and then slide down to start it all over again. If she wants, she can interrupt by talking to her pony friend Sheila, or maybe even take her out of the stable to join in.

A Personal Cowgirl Outfit: Fun x 2!

The only thing better than a super fun playhouse the size of many small homes is an outfit to tie together the whole experience. In her cowgirl hat and boots, Riley can enjoy her ball pit and slide as a cowgirl jumping into the ball pit and going down the slide. So what if those things don’t usually exist in barns.

There will be no end to the fun in this playhouse for Riley. Except for when Ryan gets big enough to share it.

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Eric Freeman is a writer for Ball Don’t Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at efreeman_ysports@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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