Power Rankings: San Diego is sunny

Tim Brown

The San Diego Padres are still winning, still climbing in rankings.

Another month or two like this, they'll start looking legit.

Week 21 (Records through Wednesday):

New York

1. New York Yankees (78-49; Previous: 1) – Yanks can't shake Rays, consider buying them and selling off parts.

Tampa Bay

2. Tampa Bay Rays (78-49; Previous: 2) – Maddon tweets ode to rascally dome: "Most recent whine was my getting on Trop roof, have since apologized to said roof and r now on much better terms, maybe best ever." Next, plans couples therapy with sticky office door lock.

San Diego

3. San Diego Padres (76-49; Previous: 4) – Management bans German Shepherds, other allegedly menacing breeds, from ballpark event. The stadium subsequently is renamed SomePetco Park.


4. Boston Red Sox (73-55; Previous: 3) – What goes around comes around. Moral of the story: Be nice to your departed Idiots.


5. Atlanta Braves (73-54; Previous: 6) – Braves trying to hold off Phillies, feel they hold advantage in "sixth reserve left fielder" department.


6. Texas Rangers (72-54; Previous: 5) – Parachutist snagged on light pole at Rangers Ballpark. After rescue, new team owners marvel at Mark Cuban's determination.


7. Minnesota Twins (72-55; Previous: 9) – Mauer hits his first Target Field home run. Great to see relief come over him. Last 90 feet of moonwalk was a little much.


8. Cincinnati Reds (73-54; Previous: 12) – Rolen wryly calls club's 16-5 loss to Giants "a two-possession game late," does not say whether one of those possessions was Manny Ramirez(notes).


9. Philadelphia Phillies (70-56; Previous: 8) – Oswalt catches easy fly ball in left field, gets standing ovation, pretty sure it's as good a time as any to retire.

San Francisco

10. San Francisco Giants (71-57; Previous: 11) – Two-thirds of earth's surface covered by water, other third by Giants outfielders milling around hoping for playing time.

St. Louis

11. St. Louis Cardinals (68-56; Previous: 7) – Cards lose five in a row shortly after leaving Cincy, think they're ready for another swift kick in butt from Johnny Cueto's(notes) spikes.


12. Chicago White Sox (68-58; Previous: 10) – Kenny Williams hoping to add Manny to roster. Juan Pierre(notes) strongly considers restraining order.


13. Toronto Blue Jays (66-60; Previous: 13) – Bautista facing steroids questions, says they're actually tougher than gopher-balling American League pitching.


14. Colorado Rockies (66-60; Previous: 14) – Rockies figured they'd be looking down on rest of division by now. And, well, from a mile up, technically they are.


15. Florida Marlins (63-62; Previous: 18) – Loria living high life on revenue sharing, which explains previous references to former Yankees owner as George (Sugar Daddy) Steinbrenner.


16. Oakland Athletics (63-62; Previous: 17) – Braden scheduled to pitch next week in the 718, already been advised not to run over A-Rod's trainer's table.

Los Angeles

17. Los Angeles Dodgers (65-62; Previous: 16) – Manny prefers not to think of it as being run out of town, but as a really, really fun parade with torches and pitchforks.

Los Angeles

18. Los Angeles Angels (63-65; Previous: 15) – Angels find a use for all those spare halos, loan them to scoreboard operator.

New York

19. New York Mets (63-63; Previous: 19) – Bay says he's over concussion issues, club hopes that means he'll stop standing at Citi Field turnstiles welcoming people to Wal-Mart.


20. Detroit Tigers (63-64; Previous: 20) – Damon says he loves Detroit. People of Detroit rejoice, though admittedly a little suspicious.


21. Milwaukee Brewers (59-67; Previous: 21) – Club unveils statue of Bud Selig, folks somewhat amused to see it replicating Selig throwing pitch that clinched 1982 pennant.


22. Houston Astros (57-69; Previous: 23) – Judge issues Clemens gag order, legalese that apparently has nothing whatsoever to do with evidence photos of Rocket's gluteal abscess.


23. Washington Nationals (53-74; Previous: 22) – Strasburg goes to DL, elbow to Smithsonian.

Kansas City

24. Kansas City Royals (54-73; Previous: 25) – Kila Ka'aihue(notes) has an okina on his back, somewhat cooler than the monkey on Alex Gordon's.(notes)


25. Chicago Cubs (54-74; Previous: 24) – Sammy Sosa says no one should wear his uniform No. 21 again. Team agrees, says it's so stretched out they're using it to re-carpet executive suites anyway.


26. Cleveland Indians (50-76; Previous: 27) – Indians in AL bottom three in runs, ERA and fielding. They are, however, top three in bottom threes.


27. Arizona Diamondbacks (49-78; Previous: 26) – D'backs still rehabbing Brandon Webb(notes), sign Mike Hampton(notes), waiting for Braves to come to town so they can try out Sutton.


28. Seattle Mariners (50-77; Previous: 29) – Ichiro(notes) rumored to have stumped for Valentine as manager. Second choice is guy who's there now, um, name escapes Ichiro.


29. Baltimore Orioles (45-82; Previous: 28) – Ripken turns 50, reveals his friends now call him One A Day with Iron Man.


30. Pittsburgh Pirates (43-84; Previous: 30) – NL ballclub clinches another losing season, gotten so bad Somalian scallywags have asked to be referred to as "the swashbuckling Orioles."