Since brevity is a word that doesn't exist in the Noise's vocabulary, your comments, questions and vitriolic derision will run separately from Thursday's flames/lames column from this point forward. Bring the noise, fools!
Shouldn't an "expert" have a better "Flame" record than 28- 26? And your "Lame" picks are pretty obvious. You picked Burress … Everyone already knew he was being benched. Michael Turner, everyone already knew he can't run against tough defenses. Gutsy picks, Brad. Keep up the good work! I get the feeling most people, like me, read your articles just to be entertained, not for actual fantasy advice. – Ashley, New York, NY
Noise: Listen Ms. Tisdale, the Noise is fantasy's version of High School Musical, minus the crappy singing, cheesy dance moves and scandalous thoughts of Vanessa Hudgens.
Look, there's a reason why most readers place quotations around expert. Any columnist from Dear Abby to George Will is first and foremost an entertainer. Spinning information into a well-formed opinion is the backbone of the practice. Fantasy contributors are no different.
However, describing the Noise's picks as "pretty obvious" and sarcastically "gusty" is unfair. Each week, I strive to think outside the box on numerous prognostications, which denotes why my "Flame" record is mediocre. Sure, for savvy owners my picks may seem superficial at times, but each pick is painstakingly thought out. FYI, the Burress selection was made prior to news of his benching.
Remember, fantasy writers are the Jim Cantores of the sports world. Sometimes our forecasts are spot on. Other times, they're ripped to shreds by hurricane force winds.
Not really a question as much as "you guys missed this one" in your running back picks for this week (Week 9) – for Denver Broncos running back Ryan Torain – with all the injury issues in Denver at running back and comments made by the coaching staff (early on in training camp) about possible Terrell Davis similarities and the clues of having him on the active roster all season and never playing even a preseason down – doesn't that make you a little interested in this guy this week in his "coming out" party? – Woody, Morrison, Calif.
Noise: Apparently, Torain is still trapped in the closet.
To all the Toraingers out there who truly believe this guy is the next big thing: snorting orange Kool-Aid is hazardous to your health. The slightest contemplation of cutting superb talents (e.g. Lynch) for and comparing statistical legends (Davis) to Torain are obtuse and overzealous thoughts. The kid is completely unproven, coming off a major elbow injury that set his season back several weeks and is frankly not that talented. Yes, his bulky frame and sharp cutback moves are characteristics which could thrive in Lucifer's zone-blocking scheme, but this isn't your dad's Denver Broncos. The offensive line is nowhere close to the caliber it once was, which is why the My Little Ponies have produced one 100-yard rusher in their past 19 games (Michael Pittman Week 6).
Sure, the Noise is a little interested in Torain. A potential starting running back would captivate any owner's attention. But, he'll likely be just as effective as K.C.'s Jamaal Charles, assuming he continues to start, the rest of the season. Yes, Shanny has professed he would love to rub his leathery hands up and down the rookie's back, but you can never trust Lucifer. His treachery is legendary. Selvin Young is practicing and Peyton Hillis and P.J. Pope will be involved in some capacity.
Per Lucifer, Torain is expected to carry the ball 20 times tomorrow night at Cleveland. Because the Browns have surrendered 5.3 yards per carry and the 11th-most fantasy points to backs over the past four weeks, he could notch lower-tiered RB2 totals. However, due to the inconsistencies of the Denver O-line, he's someone to shop immediately, provided he has a decent showing.
The obsession for this guy has reached manic proportions. Let's see what he's capable of first before making rash decisions.
No one should doubt any running back who regularly sports a DMX stare
Noise, why aren't you and the other Yahoo! experts trumpeting the cupcake schedule the Jets have the rest of the way? Don't you see huge upside for guys like Thomas Jones, Jericho Cotchery and Laveranues Coles down the stretch, with San Fran, Buffalo and Seattle as their weeks 14- 16 opponents? Not to mention games with New England and Denver before that. I know this offense is pretty up and down, but seems like there are a lot of opportunities to be up for the rest of the season. – Andrew, Los Angeles, Calif.
Noise: Describing the Jets as an "up and down" offense is a gross understatement. They're more volatile than Wrangler stock on the NYSE.
Andrew, you're absolutely right. The Jets remaining slate is covered in chocolate and accented with white icing swirls. Thomas Jones' schedule is especially cream-filled. Take away two difficult matchups against the Pats (Week 11), Titans (Weeks 12) and Dolphins (Week 17) and TJ faces five defenses that have yielded a combined 4.3 yards per carry, 163.5 total yards and 1.1 touchdowns per game to rushers. Very quietly the ex-Bear, who was dealt straight up for Randy Moss, Jamal Lewis and Eddie Royal in Y! Plus league solo transactions this week, could be a championship difference maker.
As for Coles and Cotchery, I wouldn't overstretch my means to acquire either because of Brett Favre's perplexities. Also, their Week 15 foe, Buffalo, which has allowed the 11th-fewest fantasy points to receivers this season, is not receiver friendly.
I don't understand why Shaun Hill wouldn't be high on an expert's list. He is an accurate thrower with a good TD:INT ratio. Plus, he plays in a weak division. Am I missing something? – Matt, Cincinnati, Ohio
Noise: Matt, you are indeed missing something: the ability to process rational thoughts. Compared to Unlucky Charms O'Sullivan, Hill can deliver passes more quickly and crisply. In his brief stint as a Forty-Niner, he has completed 67.6 percent of his passes, JTO 58.4. But Hill's biggest drawback is that he's not a big play quarterback. He's a quality game manager who doesn't make mistakes. For real life purposes, he's exactly what the turnover-plagued Niners need, but in the realm of virtual pigskin he'll likely be David Garrard sans the rushing yards. In other words, he's a matchup-only starter in deep leagues (12-teams plus).
This week against a pliable Arizona secondary, Hill's value could artificially inflate. The Cardinals have conceded 248.3 passing yards and 2.0 touchdowns per game to pill tossers since Week 6, equal to the second-most fantasy points allowed. Jason Campbell and Tony Romo owners still scrambling to uncover an adequate stopgap should employ Hill for at least this week. However, general expectations for the veteran should be tempered.
Brad, while I shared your man love for Brandon Jacobs in recent years, I just saw you put Jerry Porter as a pickup of the week. Are you serious? Be honest, are you just phoning in the rest of the season with this blasphemy?– Craig, York, Pa.
Noise: Craig, the Noise is hardly DeAngelo Hall. Sure I'm grossly overpaid, get routinely burned downfield by marginal talents and am possibly on the verge of being cut, but phoning in picks is something this writer never does.
Yes, we can both agree Jerry Porter is a stinking pile of alpaca feces, but someone has to catch passes once Matt Jones' suspension is levied, which according to the Orlando Sentinel may be postponed another week. Jack Del Rio said on the Jags official site Monday that Porter will "get more and more opportunities" starting this week.
Still slowly recovering from hamstring surgery he had in July, Porter is just now rounding into form. At 30, he's not quite done. He still possesses an above average skill set, which means he would be effective with 7-9 weekly targets.
Matched against a deplorable Detroit defense this week, the eight-percent owned wideout is a potential shocker special. The Lions have surrendered the most yards and the eighth-most fantasy points to receivers over the past five weeks.
Brenda could lustfully drag her Lee Press-On Nails down the Noise's back any day of the week
Why should Brenda Warner not get a temporary restraining order against you? – Brian, San Diego, Calif.
Noise: Simple, Brian. The Noise might be the only man outside of her husband who would tolerate her outspoken opinions, Muppet-inspired wardrobe and bible school vacations.
Only Vincent Wilfork's wife, Bianca, whose Flock of Seagulls mop is the sexiest hairdo among NFL wives, gets the Noise more aroused. Oh, I would run so for away, all night and day, to be the meat of a Brenda/Bianca love sandwich.
Brad Undoubtedly you have a talent for creating names for players conjured from their personalities and possibly their levels of potential. Thoroughly enjoy "The Big Noise" every week and we have many agreements of individuals. I have a classic case of "The LJ." Second year in a row I have been burned but I cannot let him go. He is the bad ex-girlfriend that I know I need to get rid of but for some odd reason I have a place for her in my heart. Should I give LJ the boot or keep him on the short leash for possible playoff use? – Jeff, Milford, Mass.
Hey, as a Johnson owner in the Friends and Family league, I understand his performances from earlier this season are libido-driving, but, masochism is something owners in shallow leagues shouldn't subscribe to. Because his assault cases are not expected to be heard until December, it's very possible he could return for a four-game stretch after this week and then face suspension again during the fantasy playoffs. The uncertainty isn't worth the gamble.
However, he's still worth hanging onto short-term. If he posts spectacular totals next week against the Saints, ship him off before your league's trade deadline. With Oakland and Denver on KC's schedule Weeks 13 and 14 someone will overpay. Surprisingly, LJ is still netting quality return value in Y! Plus league deals. This week, he was shipped for Willis McGahee, DeSean Jackson, Earnest Graham and Jonathan Stewart in one-for-one trades.