MLB Power Rankings: That Royal feeling

On the horses in St. Louis, Brett Lawrie’s imperfect game, Yasiel Puig’s schedule and so-obvious issues with metal detectors at Coors Field:

The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):


Kansas City
Kansas City

1. Kansas City Royals (7-1; Previous: 17) – After 10 days, Royals halfway to PECOTA wins projection.


Detroit
Detroit

2. Detroit Tigers (8-1; Previous: 5) – Tigers come out of Masters week thinking they need more work off the tee, but short game feels good.


Boston
Boston

3. Boston Red Sox (6-3; Previous: 8) – Clay Buchholz misunderstands pace-of-play letter from MLB; league actually asked him to please hurry out of box.


Los Angeles
Los Angeles

4. Los Angeles Dodgers (6-3; Previous: 3) – Yasiel Puig is so early for Dodgers game everyone just assumes he was really late for the previous game.


Colorado
Colorado

5. Colorado Rockies (7-2; Previous: 28) – Many fans miss start of home opener because of slow lines through metal detectors. To be fair, promotion “Bring Your Silverware to the Park” wasn’t greatest idea.


Toronto
Toronto

6. Toronto Blue Jays (5-4; Previous: 15) – Russell Martin batting .043, but it only looks bad because of the exchange rate.


San Diego
San Diego

7. San Diego Padres (6-4; Previous: 11) – Padres are hitting at home, and locals call off research into gravity shears in downtown San Diego.


Oakland
Oakland

8. Oakland Athletics (5-5; Previous: 19) – Brett Lawrie strikes out four times on 12 pitches in a single game, the baseball equivalent of removing bottom orange from produce aisle pyramid.


St. Louis
St. Louis

9. St. Louis Cardinals (4-3; Previous: 4) – Cards pitchers wary of being called “horses.” First, it’s trite. Second, last one in retirement ended up pulling the big beer wagon.


New York
New York

10. New York Mets (6-3; Previous: 18) – Matt Harvey has “Dark Knight” on his bats. You probably don’t want to see his jammies.


Atlanta
Atlanta

11. Atlanta Braves (6-3; Previous: 25) – Braves always suspected Jason Heyward and Craig Kimbrel were holding them back.


Chicago
Chicago

12. Chicago Cubs (5-3; Previous: 16) – What’s up with Cubs fans? They never throw back opposing home runs anymore.


Baltimore
Baltimore

13. Baltimore Orioles (5-4; Previous: 7) – Matt Wieters’ recovery has devolved into him getting his elbow rubbed while two trainers, two clubbies, a beat writer and that loud lady from the left-field bleachers just sit and stare at him.


Los Angeles
Los Angeles

14. Los Angeles Angels (4-5; Previous: 2) – Empire State Building shows colors of all 30 major league teams. Angels, who had just piled on Josh Hamilton, grateful it didn’t go with “true” colors of all 30 major league teams.


Cincinnati
Cincinnati

15. Cincinnati Reds (5-4; Previous: 22) – Reds explain 280-pound Jumbo Diaz not only has quality arm, but also protects Aroldis Chapman’s blind side.


Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay

16. Tampa Bay Rays (5-4; Previous: 21) – Rays get good look at Joe Maddon contract in Chicago, also file pampering charges.


Washington
Washington

17. Washington Nationals (3-6; Previous: 1) – Cherry blossoms are losing their petals. Probably Ian Desmond’s fault.


Arizona
Arizona

18. Arizona Diamondbacks (4-5; Previous: 29) – Arizona Republic poll of Diamondbacks players ranks Addison Reed the team’s fifth-best reliever. Addison Reed is their, um, closer.


Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh

19. Pittsburgh Pirates (3-6; Previous: 10) – In light of the parrot, Pirates have lined dugout floor with newspaper.


Cleveland
Cleveland

20. Cleveland Indians (3-5; Previous: 9) – Trevor Bauer starts season with nine hitless innings, 15 strikeouts, seven walks. It’s like the Keith Richards of nine innings.


Houston
Houston

21. Houston Astros (4-5; Previous: 24) – Astros host showing of new Altuve documentary. It’s not a short subject, so just stop.


Texas
Texas

22. Texas Rangers (4-6; Previous: 26) – Season starts with a record 115 players on disabled list. Oddly, not all of them Rangers.


Miami
Miami

23. Miami Marlins (3-6; Previous: 12) – Marlins endure rain delay in stadium with a roof, unless it was a roof delay in stadium with rain. Either way …


New York
New York

24. New York Yankees (3-6; Previous: 20) – A-Rod quips he required Google maps to round bases, but every once in a while a man really does need to hear, “You have arrived.”


Chicago
Chicago

25. Chicago White Sox (3-5; Previous: 13) – Robin Ventura wants opposing baserunners to be less comfortable. Chris Sale offers his old walking boot.


Seattle
Seattle

26. Seattle Mariners (3-6; Previous: 6) – After that first start, you really couldn’t blame him if he wanted to Taijuan on.


San Francisco
San Francisco

27. San Francisco Giants (3-7; Previous: 14) – Giants are oldest team in baseball. Know how you can tell? Count the rings.


Philadelphia
Philadelphia

28. Philadelphia Phillies (3-6; Previous: 30) – Phillies haven’t been completely terrible. Somebody start barricading Broad Street.


Milwaukee
Milwaukee

29. Milwaukee Brewers (2-6; Previous: 23) – Brewers just wanted folks to stop talking about Ryan Braun one day. No home runs and a .222 average helps.


Minnesota
Minnesota

30. Minnesota Twins (2-6; Previous: 27) – Only thing suspended and befuddled Ervin Santana can put his finger on is the time he fell face first into that pile of Stanozolol.


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