Through two American League Championship Series games, the Toronto Blue Jays have looked hapless against the Cleveland Indians. Maybe there’s a reason for that. No, not a baseball reason. Something that’s beyond anyone’s control. A conspiracy theory.
Sound crazy? Jose Bautista doesn’t think so. Bautista believes there are “circumstances” working against the Blue Jays during the series, according to Mike Vorkunov of USA Today.
— Mike Vorkunov (@Mike_Vorkunov) October 16, 2016
All right, we here at The Stew can appreciate a good conspiracy theory. Let’s break down Bautista’s statement and see if he can make us believers.
All you gotta do is look at video and count how many times [Indians pitchers have] thrown pitches over the heart of the plate. It hasn’t been many.
Oh no, Jose, we’re off to a bad start here. A good baseball conspiracy theory should imply that a team has been playing too well but should blame it on external factors. Bautista could blame the umps for giving Cleveland a bunch of close calls, or hint at some massive sign-stealing ring. The Jays already tried the former following a Game 1 loss. Bautista should have gone down that well again.
Instead, he pretty much says, “look at how good the Indians’ pitching has been. It’s been good. They’ve lived on the corners all series and they haven’t grooved any pitches.” When you put it that way, of course the Blue Jays are losing. That seems like a tremendous strategy, to be honest. More teams should use it.
They’ve been able to do that because of the circumstances — that I’m not trying to talk about because I can’t.
Solid recovery by Bautista here. A good conspiracy theory doesn’t totally spell things out. It leaves the reader or listener wanting more. Bautista does a fantastic job saying he can’t talk about it, too. It implies that someone (who? Manfred?) is trying to keep him quiet. His reasoning still doesn’t make a lot of sense, but we’re intrigued now.
That’s for you guys to do, but you guys don’t really want to talk about that either.
Nice! Putting the blame on the media is always wise in these situations. Bautista has already implied he’ll get in trouble, or be silenced by the man behind the curtain, if he says too much. The media, however, should be all over this. It’s their obligation to find the root of the conspiracy and validate Bautista’s beliefs.
But, and this is the key here, Bautista says the lamestream media has no interest in talking about the real issues. This whole thing could be blown out of the water, but the media refuses to cover it. That’s how you start a conspiracy!
After a weak start, Bautista came on strong here. We still have some issues with his logic, especially with that first sentence. We could easily say, “well, Jose, Corey Kluber, Andrew Miller and Cody Allen are really great, and Josh Tomlin seemed to be on top of his game during his start. That probably explains why you haven’t had much to hit. That’ll happen in baseball from time to time.”
Because of that, we can only give this conspiracy theory a six. There’s a lot of mystery and intrigue at the end of Bautista’s statement, but nothing to back it up.
Actually, now that we think about it, that’s how all conspiracy theories work. We may have to reconsider our stance here. Maybe Bautista is on to something. Has the infamous “Man in White” changed sides now? Is this all part of the recent push by BIG CLEVELAND to make the city relevant again?
Has anyone looked into the mysterious “circumstances” that turned devout New York Yankees fan LeBron James into an Indians’ fan? Oh no, we fear we’ve already said too much.
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