(I will not make a pole joke. I will not make a pole joke. I will not make a …)
Oh, hi, didn’t see you there.
This is the story of Japanese pole vault competitor Hiroki Ogita, who became a viral sensation when video and screenshots posted on social media appeared to show his penis dislodging the crossbar.
(Try not to laugh. Try not to laugh.Try not to …)
Japanese athlete Hiroki Ogita deemed bigger than his Olympic dreams. pic.twitter.com/a6UVaLPDqM
— Denzel Shaw (@Denzelcliveshaw) August 16, 2016
Ogita failed to qualify for Tuesday’s pole vault final at the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, even after clearing 5.45 meters on his second attempt. After all, the 28-year-old was up against some stiff competition.
(C’mon, man, that’s uncalled for. This is serious stuff about a pole vaulter’s penis. Keep it together …)
As the tale grew in the telling, Ogita grabbed it by the horns and bared all to the public on Twitter.
“I never expected the foreign media to take me down like this,” the Japanese national pole vault champion tweeted, according to a BBC translation. “It’s one thing if it was true, but I have to say I’m pretty devastated that they’d go so far to make something up to mock and ridicule me so much.”
That should put out the fire.
“To be honest, it’s pretty rough, but I guess I’m in the spotlight so this might be some kind of opportunity,” Ogita added in a string of tweets. “I’ll do my best and get the results so that I get the last laugh. It doesn’t matter if you do it for a joke or whatever, I ask you to go and watch an actual game at a stadium for once. I hope you appreciate, even a bit, what a great sport pole vaulting is.”
True enough, all one has to do is watch video of his attempt — over and over and over and over — to determine Ogita’s leg first made contact with the crossbar and his hand ultimately toppled it. In the end, whether or not his penis grazed the bar is irrelevant. So, get it together and grow up, people.
(Keep a straight face. Keep a straight face. Keep a …)
Like most who watched it enough, Ogita came to appreciate the skill with which he wielded his pole.
(Almost made it …)
“Watching again, this is pretty funny, if I say so myself,” he finally conceded on Twitter. “LOL.”
(It’s OK to laugh now? Turn this thing off … HAHAH … deep breath … AHAHA. Wait, is this thing still on?)
Live from Rio: Tara & Johnny Q&A, green fart water, and more:
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