We saw over at For The Win that Cleveland Browns tickets offer a unique buying opportunity. To wit: They’re dirt cheap.
Yes, the 0-11 team is not exactly generating “Hamilton” levels of hysteria. (Perhaps a #BanBrowns campaign might do it some good?)
So we checked on the lowest offering for the remainder of the season to see just how cheap we’re talking here. Folks, you too can attend an NFL game for $6, per StubHub. Typically, NFL tickets cost $100 or more, but lo, that could get you half of Section 507 for the Christmas Eve showdown with the San Diego Chargers. (Yes, did we mention what day it was?)
In fact, we wondered what else might cost you more than a cut-rate Browns ticket. Turns out, quite a bit.
Ohio Turnpike tolls
You literally would spend more — not even counting gasoline — to drive from Ohio’s western border to Cleveland in tolls than you would on your game ticket! Even if you have an E-ZPass. This is what they mean by the “hidden costs” of attending sporting events. It’s (each way, mind you!) $7.25 with the pass, $10.75 without.
Oh yeah, and gas
Making that same drive, you’d be on the road about 340 miles round trip. The average miles per gallon for new cars in America is said to be approximately 26.4. At $2.077 per gallon (average Ohio prices), gasoline for your car to and from the game would be about $26.75. Or, in Browns terms, tickets for you, the spouse and two kids. Enjoy the game! (An added bonus: Temperatures are not yet expected to dip below freezing, which is nice.)
Other Cleveland sporting events, perhaps?
This is not just a football or baseball town. Well, there’s hoops, but of course the NBA champion Cavaliers are a bit too pricey. Still, can we interest you in their D-league brethren, the Canton Charge? They’re in action the night before against the Windy City Bulls, and tickets start at $8 (note: the website indicates that there is a “19-ticket limit,” so keep that mind).
Pro hoops not your thing? Perhaps we can tickle your fancy with some Cleveland State action? The two closest games to Christmas even are the Monday prior against Lake Erie (is that a college?) and the following Thursday against Green Bay (same question?) — tickets start at $10 apiece to watch the 1-2 Vikings fight for their third winning season in five years.
And if you’re more of a hockey person, fear not. The 2016 Calder Cup champions of the American Hockey League have a game the night before against the Grand Rapids Griffins, and tickets range from $10 to $71. Give us the cheap seats, baby!
Johnny Manziel rookie card
If you’d like to invest in the last Browns quarterback to guide the team to a victory, may we suggest this rare, near-mint-condition rated rookie offering? Manziel was a Heisman Trophy winner and two-time top-five finisher. Sounds promising! The Browns are always looking for talented quarterback help.
He’s not on the team currently, but we’re sure he has a bright future in the game of football (and life).
A (pink) Cleveland Indians t-shirt
The Indians scored the same number of runs in the World Series as the Chicago Cubs, which is reason to celebrate. Do so by wearing this effeminate but charming shirt, which may or may not honor a good cause, to honor the American League champions. For $12.99, it’s way worth it, and — again — think how much you’re saving on those football tickets.
Baked Beans and Hot Greens!
We’re big fans of local celebrity chef Michael Symon here at the Shutdown Corner and would eat at any of his roughly 4,000 establishments in the greater Cleveland area. For a pregame bite, you could have ANY of the sides at his delicious-sounding Mabel’s BBQ, which include smoked Beets and spaetzle, or the desserts, such as banana or chocolate pudding for exactly $6. From the “Pig Parts” on up, it’s $7 or more, so that’s on you. Then you can walk off your caloric overdose with a walk to the stadium, which checks in just under one mile. We’re not just saving you money, but also years on your life.
Literally anything at NFLshop.com
You can’t find one single thing — even Browns gear — that’s less than $25.49. Not one. In fact, we were surprised that one particular Browns shirt was advertised as having “Few left!” Maybe they only made a “few” to begin with?
Holiday Lights Spectacular for (most) of the family
About 30 miles east of Cleveland is the glorious (we hear) “Gift of Lights” holiday light display featuring 30-plus incredible state-of-the-art static and animated displays including a 100-plus foot light tunnel. That sounds like a lovely way to commemorate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, and what’s cool is that they’re open until 10 p.m. that night. The cost: $20 per standard vehicle — which comes out to 3.3 Browns tickets — and a portion of the proceeds will benefit University Hospitals Rainbow Babies & Children’s, so you’ll be doing your part.
What else costs more than $6? We’d love to hear your suggestions. We’re guessing the list is fairly long.
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Eric Edholm is a writer for Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at edholm@yahoo-inc.com or follow him on Twitter!
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